Hardcore Swingers!!!

Don’t you hate labels…? We went out the other night and meet this fun couple and as the conversation progressed. It became obvious that they were kind of new to the lifestyle. Still feeling it out seeing what works for them and what doesn’t. Been there done that hell I think we are still doing it. Anyway as we talked they stated “well we were talking with them but they seem like hardcore swingers”. Cause for Pause… Warning lights… Wondering at this point how will we be perceived? Do we tell them how long we have been in the Swinglifestyle? Do we tell them we own a Swingers / Adult social networking site? Here is where the different personalities come into play. Meaning my wife’s and mine… She is a little more sensitive to things like this, I guess she cares what others think of her or it could come down to that thinking of I might be wild in the bedroom but don’t call me a ho or a slut in public. I don’t know. I on the other hand could give a shit what others say I am a freak, a sexual addict I know it and accept it. So… however this is a marriage and we do communicate and after all this time there is that level of non verbal communication that happens in situations like these. Let’s be honest I tend to let her take the lead in these conversations cause I will and usually say something that could cause a problem.

So I guess it comes down to the fact of how we see ourselves do we consider ourselves soft-core or hardcore swingers. Let’s not get this confused with soft swap or full swap that is two different things altogether. The one thing we have learned is that this definition is different for everybody. Example: even after being in the lifestyle for the last 10 years, owning our own site, we still consider ourselves soft-core swingers. Why? Because we don’t go out all the time, we still meet first and see if there is a connection first before we play, we still use protection, and we don’t play separately these are just some of the things that to us define us as soft-core. Yet someone else could easily see us as hardcore swingers. Saying well we’re not into wife swapping just girl play and any number of other reasons.

How did the night end up? Well we didn’t play with them but that doesn’t mean much cause like we stated we rarely do on the first meeting. We talked, danced and the girls made out with each other so it looks pretty good that we will have some new friends to play with. How did they perceive us? Well we will never truly know however like in most cases we tend to fear the worst reaction and receive the best or at least a better one. Keep in mind newbie’s want to learn and even though they might have fear or reservations of hardcore swingers experienced couples are a good guide on how to have a successful time in the Swinglifestyle. Nothing is wrong with being a hardcore swinger or a soft-core swinger it comes down to what you feel comfortable with and remember someone is always going to view you in a different light. I guess it comes down to what Shakespeare put best - “to thy own self be true …” and screw everyone else. The screw everyone else part I added, Shakespeare would have said “ fuckth the lot” or something like that. You think Shakespeare was a swinger?

Your place or mine…

We have kids so there is always a pause in the response here. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we had no idea what we were doing. We read a little but mostly we talked with other couples in the lifestyle. What do you do? Have you ever done this? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle that? These are just a small sample of questions that flew for our lips. Hell at times I’m sure the other couples were wondering are we going to Play or just talk, or if they were being interviewed or something. Still most of the things we do today have come out of trial and error, our own personal experiences and mistakes have shaped our ground rules. The question of whether to invite someone into our home isn’t one we take lightly. The choice to bring someone home is a personal one. We have created a checklist if you will. Items for consideration…
The kids: Where will they be? Do we have a babysitter? Does the person/people we are considering have kids? How do they feel about being around kids? Well to be honest here we have only had a couple of people interact with our children. Meaning meet them, have their kids play with them, sleep over at each other’s house. Based on those couple of experiences we won’t do this again. It becomes difficult to explain why they can’t see their friends anymore when the adults no longer play together. So as a result we usually 99.5% of the time play when we have a babysitter or when the kids are away. Sure this limits the amount of time we have to play but it is much better than the idea of one of them walking in on something they shouldn’t see or something we would never want to explain.
How well do we know you? We tend to be a little more cautious than others. Let’s meet at a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) This goes back to Strange Danger… meaning if we don’t know you you’re not going to find out where we live. We meet in public then if everyone is comfortable we find someplace else to go play. We usually get a hotel room before hand as a place to go afterwards even if we don’t invite the others back with us. Just imagine having someone in your home sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink let’s play and your left going aaahhh fuck.
What about the neighbors? Yes this sounds paranoid or superficial but we do live in a neighborhood like desperate housewives… So the idea of explaining who are all those people coming over and staying till the wee hours of the morning is not something we want to do. Being know as the Wife Swapping couple of the neighborhood doesn’t sound like the goal we want to achieve. NO we are not ashamed of who we are or what we do. We enjoy this lifestyle. I guess it is a lot like an alcoholic in recovery they aren’t ashamed of being one and have a scene of pride of being one but at the same note don’t want everyone to know they are one. Or maybe a homosexual is a better example meaning there is gay pride and a comfort level of acknowledgement yet they don’t introduce themselves as “ hey I’m bob, the neighborhood Gay” I guess it comes down to the fact that we like to decide who we tell and who we don’t. Nobody likes to be judged by others and to a certain degree we say fuck them. Yet we still like the choice as to who we disclose it to. Not to mention that if the neighbors found out they might thing it is ok to hit on either one of us without the other there. Or neighborhood husbands thinking they could hit on my wife maybe touch her when she doesn’t want them too. After all the rules of “No Means No” are hard to enforce outside of a club.

Over the years the checklist has evolved and will continue to change as are kids get older our experience change. The guidelines we have set in place have truly made our lifestyle experiences more enjoyable. The less drama the more we can relax and enjoy the ride. The Main thing is Comfort Level we have to feel really comfortable with you before we will invite you into our home. Yet there is a certain freedom that comes from a hotel room.

Like we said in an earlier blog. “Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.”