Family Tree

With the holidays behind us and a few other comments I had no idea what I would write about this week. Sure we enjoy the Swinglifestyle and try to play as much as we can. But during the holidays family tends to overtake our playtime. And this year was no exception. When a relative reappeared after fifteen years a family holiday reunion was put together. Something I wasn’t looking forward to. Hours of socializing with the forgotten family tree and trying to hide our wife swapping lifestyle. Not to mention the fact that we now own our own swingers site.
It all started out the same, the hi’s how are you. Getting caught up on how all the family that you never see is doing.
Oh yeah, he just got out of jail. Nice tattoo huh?
No, she has cancer but the family is holding up fine.
Oh as for them, he got laid off a few months ago and now they’re struggling to keep the house.
Yeah, she did get implants; she got them put in sometime last year. I think they're saline.
Doesn't she look bad? I mean she was never pretty, but age has really not been kind to her - she looks like a monkey. He should never have married her.
Then it happened. We were introduced to some cousin we don’t really know and I get that gnawing feeling that I have seen him before. He brings his wife and kids over so we can meet them. We all start talking, I slip into conversation where do you work, live and do you travel much. From past experience we have learned that an outright question of “You look familiar, do we know you” can be very dangerous. You can get responses you don’t want shared around others like “yeah we were all naked in that Jacuzzi remember when you…”. So anyway the subtle questions didn’t ring any alarms so we all posed for a picture. You got to love digital cameras insert sarcasm here… cause that is when the alarm went off. The moment I looked at the photo on the camera it hit me. I have seen him on another site as a single male no less. Ahh, f**k, was the first thought ran through my mind. No I wasn’t worried if he recognized us. We keep our face photos private and only share those with those we are going to play with. The last thing we wanted was a moral dilemma at this event.
So the question becomes do we reveal this to his wife? Do we let him know we know what he is doing? If we do we will reveal ourselves in the process. Besides right now this is just an assumption we would have to go to the site to make sure. Do we even want to bother or get involved? Do we just delete our account on the site he is on I mean hell we don’t even use it? After all this isn’t the first married man playing single we have come across. Yeah this is family but that is worse if you get involved you can’t run away from the drama then. So what did we do? We spend the night avoiding them hanging out with other family members. What will we do? Who knows? We aren’t marriage counselors and is it really our place? There is more to this than one guys actions there is a whole family involved. Sure we have a lot experience in the swinglifestyle but does that make us experts on how to handle every situation? No… Sure everybody will have their own opinions of what we should do and who really knows what is the right or wrong thing to do. There is an old saying when you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

Not Funny then, Funny Now

A friend of ours read our last blog and commented that it was ok; sounding a lot like Columbia when Rocky was revealed in the Rocky horror picture show. So I asked what she meant she then stated that it was a good read but didn’t have her laughing like the others. My head began to run with all the funny or awkward experiences we have had in the Swinglifestyle. A list quickly formed of topics I could share that would amuse her. Things that have happened that weren’t funny at the time but now looking back we have to laugh at.
The reflection went something like this. The Weave- the time when we were playing with this couple and as wife of the couple went to perform oral on me I went to run my hands threw her hair. And yes you guessed it my wedding ring got caught and tangled in her weave not really the hair pulling experience she was looking for. Not funny then, funny now. The Midget- The time when we were at this club and met this fun couple. She was a beautiful statuesque blonde he was a humorous guy we were all sitting at a table and talking. The night had gone on for awhile so the level of intoxication was rising. So when he got up to use the restroom we were quite surprised to see his short stature and let’s just say our reaction wasn’t the most politically correct and wasn’t really received all that well. Not funny then, funny now. The Rats- The time we went back to this couples apartment after spending the night eating, drinking, laughing, and gambling. As we are talking in their living room getting ready to move things in a more lustful direction we notice something running across the floor. Surprised we asked “WHAT WAS THAT” to which they responded oh those are our pet rats hold on let us get them. AAHHH what… Not funny then, funny now. The senior citizen- the time we were at this Halloween party and this older couple was talking with us and the female asked me to dance. Looking to my wife for help in getting out of this she responded with “sure have fun”. The granny began to grind on my thigh leaving her aged essence on my costume; which I spent the next half hour trying wash not only out of outfit but my mind as well. Not funny then, funny now. The Cat Food- Ok this one is more of an awkward experience. We met this couple at a club in Vegas and everything was going great. Everyone got along there was attraction all the way around so we decided to take it back to their room. The girls were making out the clothes were coming off it started to get really heated that is when we noticed what could only be described as someone going to feed a cat. The awkward odor that filled the room made eyes water, how do you address something like that? Suddenly, I threw out my back and had to get back to our room. Not funny then, funny now. The Blowjob- the time we were at a house party and my wife and another woman were making out. I was standing there caressing them both when this other woman came up and proceeded to unbuckle my pants and blow me out of the blue. My wife looked down then at me all I could respond with is “do I know you.” Not funny then, according to my wife still not funny.
I then began to think is this what we intended the blog to be a running satire of wife swapping experiences. No not really… We thought maybe others in the Swinglifestyle could relate to it or maybe it could help other couples that are just entering the lifestyle. Besides if we shared all of these things what would we have to talk about when we meet someone at club? I then got upset at our friend and thought the blog isn’t meant to be funny, screw her. Then I thought of an Old Italian friend of ours who commented “sounds to me like you are one freak over the limit, I think you should throw the midget back.” And I realized life is funny and you should enjoy every moment you can.

Stimulate This

In our Online Profile we state that we don’t play on the first meeting. Our past experiences in the Swinglifestyle have proven this to be a wise statement to make like many of the guidelines and safeguards we have put in place. If you read through our blog posts you would think we play all the time. This isn’t really the case; our play time is valuable because we have many demands on our time.

It is a delicate balance of family time, work, and play. When something or someone interferes with it I have to restrain the urge to get upset. I have gotten better at this over the years but when we first started wife swapping I was the eager beaver or more like a child being told he couldn’t do something. I would pout and complain stomp my feet and say I wanna play… Then I realized something... I’m still going to get laid. Which is more than I can say for some others?

Here is the part where I explain what the hell I am talking about.

We were emailing this guy back and forth online and thought we would meet for dinner to see how it goes. Ok it was more me talking to this guy than my wife. I thought it would be a Christmas gift, according to the photo’s he was in amazing shape hell I wish I had his abs. He passed the face photo test; he lives in LA so he had that model type look. You get the idea I wanted to give basically a Chippendale dancer (but straight) to her for Christmas. Anyway, we scheduled a dinner and he did show up - a plus, or so I thought. We ordered a couple of drinks and started to talk.

Actually he started talking and this is where everything went downhill.

It all started with ordering dinner, it was like a male version of when Harry met Sally. So jokingly I commented on the way he ordered his meal. The education into fitness routines, protein shakes, and healthy diets, and the time he spends in the gym began and seemed to last for an hour. Noticing my wife’s interest fading fast I tried to change to subject. I asked had he ever done anything like this before, insert foot in mouth… He then began to list his conquests in detail totally ignorant of the beautiful woman across the table from him. Needless to say the No Play Phrase was spoken from her. No play phrase is something we work into conversation to let each other know we aren’t interested. A safe word… if you will.

Guys even if you look like a Greek God you still need a personality. The mind is the largest organ in the body -stimulate that first. I mean look at Jack Nicholson he is one scary looking Mother F**ker and he has been with countless women. I have a suggestion talk less, ask questions, get the woman talking, and show interest in her. Hell, try small talk, ask what TV shows do you like, what type of music do you listen to, make her laugh… Don’t talk just about yourself and leave the arrogance at home.

Needless to say we went our separate ways, and yes I did get laid. As for the urge to get upset, I think I was more upset over the fact that my Christmas gift was such a bust. Oh well guess I have to go to the jewelry store now… See; humor. Trust me humor will get you farther, than abs and arrogance alone. Remember it's not all about you; find out what turns her on. And to get between her legs you must first get between her ears.

You’re Not Santa Put That Bag Away

We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a few years now and have learned a few tricks of the trade if you will. Like, having a play bag for when you go out. A small bag filled with essentials like lube, condoms, baby wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, mints, a hair brush, change of underwear. See a pattern here they are all personal hygiene products. They are all items to make wife swapping more fun without seeming to surprising.

Okay what does this have to do with anything let me tell yeah? It’s our way of saying that if you have a bag with you when we go back to a hotel we aren’t that surprised. At least at first… Let’s back up a bit, we met this couple at a club and hit it off right from the gate. We laughed, flirted, we had fun on the dance floor, the girls started to make out with each other so we decided to take it back to our hotel room. So when we got there and they got out of their car and grabbed a bag out of the trunk we didn’t think much of it. Actually at first we find this refreshing, another experienced couple that is concerned about hygiene and safety. Yeah so we were projecting our own behavior on them. Anyway we all go into the room, we offer them something to drink, and the let the fun begin. Then the mystery bag is revealed. The motion was classic like something out Top Chief or Dexter the way this bag was unrolled onto the bed. Displaying a collection of sex toys you’d think only a traveling sex toy salesman would have.

We have nothing against sex toys, hell we have our own little collection. We have our favorites like, the rabbit, the cherry scented vibe with dual vibe eggs, the vibrating cock ring, and the crouch-less strap-on. These have all given us some truly unforgettable nights of play. However we knew the people we were playing with before the toys came out. I wouldn’t consider us old fashion and we are far from being prudes. But we have no idea where those things have been. Plus there is a little bit of a creep factor involved when they are brought out not only on the first night but when revealed in such a way.

You could tell that the husband was the one behind this cause of the look that flashed over the wife’s face. It never ceases to amaze me what the limits of blood flow do and I’m a guy. I don’t know maybe I expect too much, a standard code of ethics or rules and manners of play. Sure we’ve met all sorts of people and considering some of the things we have come across this is not that big of a deal. I mean toys are great and all however bring it up in conversation before hand or maybe in the next round of play. Wouldn’t you want to get to know us before you let us restrain you to a bed? It’s a comfort level thing… Just think about it you didn’t break out black mamba on the first date with your wife so why you would do it the first time you went to play with someone else. Sure there is sexual freedom and we can be definite freaks in bed but like the saying goes “I like to be kissed before you fuck me”. Just put the bag away for now.

Intimidating Prick

A friend of ours read about our last wife swapping adventure in the last blog posting and gave us a call. He shared something that I wouldn’t have put together and IT opened my eyes. Since that conversation I have been thinking about how to share his insight and our/my experiences without sounding like a conceited self-centered windbag. Here goes …

Our friend’s insight into the video watching husband was that he was intimidated by my endowment. Upon seeing the competition if you will, HE had feelings of inadequacy which affected his ability to perform. This caused me a moment of reflection on our past experiences with some single males - the guys who talked a good game but when the time came they didn’t. We had previously just marked it up to them being new to the Swinglifestyle. We didn’t consider other couples cause we thought maybe the husband’s inability is why they are in the lifestyle. So after having this eye opening thought dropped on us how we address the male ego. I thought I would share some of my experiences and then our thoughts.

The grass isn’t always greener… Everywhere you turn there is some advertisement telling you “you need a bigger penis”. What they don’t tell you is the shit you get for having one. Every job I have ever had I quickly become known for my endowment. I have been called every name you can think of. To this day I hate Shriek because when that came out my new nickname became “Don-Ka” I have spent years trying to hide what is in my pants. Buying pants two sizes too big, minimum of three pleats, I have tried pouch underwear that just made me look like I was wearing a cod-piece. I had one boss so obsessed with it he tried to get women to grab me to verify it was real. So you might be thinking quit your whining I am sure the women love it. Not really… they might be curious but it stops there. Certain things are just off the menu like oral, anal. The idea of huge endowment sounds better than the reality. The point is even endowed guys have issues with their genitals.

Ok now for our thoughts on the matter. It isn’t a competition. We aren’t in this lifestyle to see who the biggest or best lover is. We are in it for the f. Thoughts of insecurity will come up. I remember the first guy to make my wife cum other than me and the feelings that arose from that. But that is really what it is about the pleasure. I enjoy seeing a woman enjoying herself that is how I get off if you will. It isn’t what you are packing… Like we stating in our blog earlier my wife would rather see a photo of your face than of your penis. When we decide to play with you it is based on who you are as a person not your physical endowments. Now if you are concerned with what your spouse will think or how she will react to something different. That is a very personal thing and we can only suggest you talk with her, open up. You might find that she didn’t like it. It might have been painful yet another thing I hear a lot of. Focus on the pleasure and the heat of the moment. This is one instance you can remove the competition from the field.