Stimulate This

In our Online Profile we state that we don’t play on the first meeting. Our past experiences in the Swinglifestyle have proven this to be a wise statement to make like many of the guidelines and safeguards we have put in place. If you read through our blog posts you would think we play all the time. This isn’t really the case; our play time is valuable because we have many demands on our time.

It is a delicate balance of family time, work, and play. When something or someone interferes with it I have to restrain the urge to get upset. I have gotten better at this over the years but when we first started wife swapping I was the eager beaver or more like a child being told he couldn’t do something. I would pout and complain stomp my feet and say I wanna play… Then I realized something... I’m still going to get laid. Which is more than I can say for some others?

Here is the part where I explain what the hell I am talking about.

We were emailing this guy back and forth online and thought we would meet for dinner to see how it goes. Ok it was more me talking to this guy than my wife. I thought it would be a Christmas gift, according to the photo’s he was in amazing shape hell I wish I had his abs. He passed the face photo test; he lives in LA so he had that model type look. You get the idea I wanted to give basically a Chippendale dancer (but straight) to her for Christmas. Anyway, we scheduled a dinner and he did show up - a plus, or so I thought. We ordered a couple of drinks and started to talk.

Actually he started talking and this is where everything went downhill.

It all started with ordering dinner, it was like a male version of when Harry met Sally. So jokingly I commented on the way he ordered his meal. The education into fitness routines, protein shakes, and healthy diets, and the time he spends in the gym began and seemed to last for an hour. Noticing my wife’s interest fading fast I tried to change to subject. I asked had he ever done anything like this before, insert foot in mouth… He then began to list his conquests in detail totally ignorant of the beautiful woman across the table from him. Needless to say the No Play Phrase was spoken from her. No play phrase is something we work into conversation to let each other know we aren’t interested. A safe word… if you will.

Guys even if you look like a Greek God you still need a personality. The mind is the largest organ in the body -stimulate that first. I mean look at Jack Nicholson he is one scary looking Mother F**ker and he has been with countless women. I have a suggestion talk less, ask questions, get the woman talking, and show interest in her. Hell, try small talk, ask what TV shows do you like, what type of music do you listen to, make her laugh… Don’t talk just about yourself and leave the arrogance at home.

Needless to say we went our separate ways, and yes I did get laid. As for the urge to get upset, I think I was more upset over the fact that my Christmas gift was such a bust. Oh well guess I have to go to the jewelry store now… See; humor. Trust me humor will get you farther, than abs and arrogance alone. Remember it's not all about you; find out what turns her on. And to get between her legs you must first get between her ears.

You’re Not Santa Put That Bag Away

We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a few years now and have learned a few tricks of the trade if you will. Like, having a play bag for when you go out. A small bag filled with essentials like lube, condoms, baby wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, mints, a hair brush, change of underwear. See a pattern here they are all personal hygiene products. They are all items to make wife swapping more fun without seeming to surprising.

Okay what does this have to do with anything let me tell yeah? It’s our way of saying that if you have a bag with you when we go back to a hotel we aren’t that surprised. At least at first… Let’s back up a bit, we met this couple at a club and hit it off right from the gate. We laughed, flirted, we had fun on the dance floor, the girls started to make out with each other so we decided to take it back to our hotel room. So when we got there and they got out of their car and grabbed a bag out of the trunk we didn’t think much of it. Actually at first we find this refreshing, another experienced couple that is concerned about hygiene and safety. Yeah so we were projecting our own behavior on them. Anyway we all go into the room, we offer them something to drink, and the let the fun begin. Then the mystery bag is revealed. The motion was classic like something out Top Chief or Dexter the way this bag was unrolled onto the bed. Displaying a collection of sex toys you’d think only a traveling sex toy salesman would have.

We have nothing against sex toys, hell we have our own little collection. We have our favorites like, the rabbit, the cherry scented vibe with dual vibe eggs, the vibrating cock ring, and the crouch-less strap-on. These have all given us some truly unforgettable nights of play. However we knew the people we were playing with before the toys came out. I wouldn’t consider us old fashion and we are far from being prudes. But we have no idea where those things have been. Plus there is a little bit of a creep factor involved when they are brought out not only on the first night but when revealed in such a way.

You could tell that the husband was the one behind this cause of the look that flashed over the wife’s face. It never ceases to amaze me what the limits of blood flow do and I’m a guy. I don’t know maybe I expect too much, a standard code of ethics or rules and manners of play. Sure we’ve met all sorts of people and considering some of the things we have come across this is not that big of a deal. I mean toys are great and all however bring it up in conversation before hand or maybe in the next round of play. Wouldn’t you want to get to know us before you let us restrain you to a bed? It’s a comfort level thing… Just think about it you didn’t break out black mamba on the first date with your wife so why you would do it the first time you went to play with someone else. Sure there is sexual freedom and we can be definite freaks in bed but like the saying goes “I like to be kissed before you fuck me”. Just put the bag away for now.

Intimidating Prick

A friend of ours read about our last wife swapping adventure in the last blog posting and gave us a call. He shared something that I wouldn’t have put together and IT opened my eyes. Since that conversation I have been thinking about how to share his insight and our/my experiences without sounding like a conceited self-centered windbag. Here goes …

Our friend’s insight into the video watching husband was that he was intimidated by my endowment. Upon seeing the competition if you will, HE had feelings of inadequacy which affected his ability to perform. This caused me a moment of reflection on our past experiences with some single males - the guys who talked a good game but when the time came they didn’t. We had previously just marked it up to them being new to the Swinglifestyle. We didn’t consider other couples cause we thought maybe the husband’s inability is why they are in the lifestyle. So after having this eye opening thought dropped on us how we address the male ego. I thought I would share some of my experiences and then our thoughts.

The grass isn’t always greener… Everywhere you turn there is some advertisement telling you “you need a bigger penis”. What they don’t tell you is the shit you get for having one. Every job I have ever had I quickly become known for my endowment. I have been called every name you can think of. To this day I hate Shriek because when that came out my new nickname became “Don-Ka” I have spent years trying to hide what is in my pants. Buying pants two sizes too big, minimum of three pleats, I have tried pouch underwear that just made me look like I was wearing a cod-piece. I had one boss so obsessed with it he tried to get women to grab me to verify it was real. So you might be thinking quit your whining I am sure the women love it. Not really… they might be curious but it stops there. Certain things are just off the menu like oral, anal. The idea of huge endowment sounds better than the reality. The point is even endowed guys have issues with their genitals.

Ok now for our thoughts on the matter. It isn’t a competition. We aren’t in this lifestyle to see who the biggest or best lover is. We are in it for the f. Thoughts of insecurity will come up. I remember the first guy to make my wife cum other than me and the feelings that arose from that. But that is really what it is about the pleasure. I enjoy seeing a woman enjoying herself that is how I get off if you will. It isn’t what you are packing… Like we stating in our blog earlier my wife would rather see a photo of your face than of your penis. When we decide to play with you it is based on who you are as a person not your physical endowments. Now if you are concerned with what your spouse will think or how she will react to something different. That is a very personal thing and we can only suggest you talk with her, open up. You might find that she didn’t like it. It might have been painful yet another thing I hear a lot of. Focus on the pleasure and the heat of the moment. This is one instance you can remove the competition from the field.

You’re going to put What in!

Ok this one might offend some people, but it is something we have to share. It isn’t our intent to isolate some people or say that what they did / do is wrong. I guess it is more of a case of timing or consideration. If you are into Wife Swapping or are in the Swinglifestyle you’ll find all sorts of different things or behavior and we aren’t judging or saying that one is right or another is wrong, but some things are worth sharing. This is one of them.

Let’s back up and I’ll explain what the hell this is all about. We had been talking with this couple online for a little while and everyone seemed to be getting along so we decided to meet at a club. The night started off great. They showed up, we showed up – and that in and of itself is a plus. We found a table; got some drinks, all the normal small talk “wow you do look like your pictures” “it is good to see that they weren’t from 10yrs ago”. The girls hit it off and the guy didn’t seem creepy or pushy. Just down to earth real people, they seemed to be a loving couple. Balanced if you will... We danced and flirted for the next few hours. My wife and I took a moment to ourselves to talk to see how each other felt about them and we both gave the green light. This is something that is rare because we usually just meet first then go home and talk to see if we want to play with them or not. So when they invited us back to their place we said sure let’s go. Again, everything was going great they had a clean house, no kids sleeping in the next room. We had a couple of drinks and talked for a few minutes then the girls started to kiss and then she led us off to the bedroom.

Clothes are starting to come off and get more heated. The girls are playing with each other while the guys are rubbing and caressing the girls. Now without sounding conceited we are a good looking couple, no we aren’t models but we aren’t livestock either. So the thing that happened next kind of took me off guard. The guy gets up and goes and puts in a porno. He then sits in a chair and proceeds to watch this movie. Now I enjoy a good porno just as much as the next guy, but you have a real life sex show right in front of you. WTF… Sure we don’t mind playing with your wife without you, if you’re going to give us the go ahead. But if you’re going to stop and watch a porno to get aroused to come back and join the party then you might want to look into getting some Viagra. I mean it is one thing to put in the video before the playing starts as kind of a mood setter, but to get up in the middle of playing huh. I mean as a guy I thought this was strange but females can be sensitive to shit like this. Their heads start to run with thoughts of “what is wrong with me”, “He didn’t find me attractive”.

We had great time with his wife and when he came back he was kind of a fourth wheel in a three wheel situation. We will probably never play with them again, it was just too strange. Now that is saying something considering the various things we have done/ tried. Well it’s more of an awkward thing. This is something that could have easily been avoided by putting in the video earlier. Just one more example of someone self-obsessed meaning not considering the other people in the room. The one thing you have to keep in mind if you are going to be in the Swinglifestyle is that it is a group thing. It isn’t just about you take a moment to consider the people around and with you.

Single Male looking for Couples

There must be millions of them in the lifestyle all looking to live out some porno fantasy of a MFM. Yet the majority of couples’s profiles say “NO SINGLE MALES.” or “Single Guys We will contact you if we are interested.” So what is a guy to do? As a couple in the Swinglifestyle that actually plays with single males on occasion we have some suggestions.

Ok first let us say we have been talking with this one guy recently and are considering meeting to see how things go. Considering the number of emails we get from single guys even going through them seems a task in and of itself. To find one that seems a match what we look for in a single guy actually it is amazing. Even for me the guy of this relationship it’s like cool - this one might work.

Which brings us to some helpful tips: First, just don’t look at the pictures Guys read the couples profile see what they are looking for, see if you are a match, see if they even want an email from you, if not then move on. Second, say something intelligent “let’s fuck”, “you’re Hot”, “let’s get together”, “Nice Tits and/or Ass”, “Would Love to taste you” these aren’t going to get you very far. You have read their profile now respond to what they said, type a few sentences it doesn’t need to be a book just something that shows you can read and write carry on a conversation. Third, Attach a face photo if you really have to then also attach a crotch shot if you really feel the need. Let me just say my wife has never said that is a dick I have to get with she will usually say well what does he look like. You might be proud of your penis, hell I know I am, but the couples that will choose you on this only are few and far between.

Now that was just the basics here are some that will really help you. Be respectful remember that there are two people in the couple address both of them not just the wife you are looking to F**k. When we are looking for a single male it is just for some added fun not a replacement for the husband. Not to mention that at least my wife doesn’t want to be addressed in a cheap / rude way. Save the bedroom talk till the right time. Humor helps, say something funny don’t be so serious. Ask questions find out what the couple is into likes, dislikes; basically remember that is not all about your pleasure there are others involved. BE HONEST if you are married tell them. We personally don’t play with married males but we know couples that do. Hell there are couples out there looking for all sorts of things: wife swapping, cuckold experiences, Milf play, or just want to try the MFM experience. There are enough couples out there for you to find what you are looking for. These suggestions should help you in your search and if more single males followed these few guideline, then we – and other couples, might play with them more often.

Are you soft or full Swap?

This is one of the most common questions in the lifestyle. And yes we were faced with it this weekend. We went out to a club and meet this couple and everyone was clicking, which isn’t all that easy in the Swinglifestyle. I mean you can meet a couple and usually one won’t click or be attracted to someone in the group. After all you are dealing with four personalities not two. So when everyone is clicking it a celebration in and of itself. Anyhow, the question came up “are you a soft swap or full swap couple” and the answer for us is both really. No we aren’t fence riders nor are we undecided it’s more of the fact that we hate labels.

Some background history or experience might help. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we were more cautious than some. Our first couple of experiences was with singles not couples and they were fun but again the level of action was still pretty tame, we weren’t sure if we wanted to try wife swapping. We were feeling our way into the lifestyle seeing what we as a couple were comfortable with. Of course there were things I wanted to do that she didn’t and there were things she wanted to try that I was unsure of. The first couple we meet in the lifestyle lived close by and we started talking and going out then that first night of play finally came and we were all having a great time until they wanted to take it further. We naively hadn’t even talked about it the thought of what would happen or what to except or how far to go never came up. Then the female of the other couple asked me to F**k her hard. I have to be honest I went blank. Surprised as I was I looked toward my wife and I could tell this wasn’t the time. She was just as surprised and the flood of emotions had just hit her. At that moment I chose to end the night as delicately as I could which looking back probably wasn’t that smooth since I have no tact. We spent what seemed like a month talking about that night running the full range of emotions, desires, talking over jealousy and everything that make a guy uncomfortable.

As a result of that night we decided to take it slow see how it goes more or less table the full swap and just do soft until both of us were sure. We made a list of guidelines No means no of course, no taking one for the team, talking alone about the people we are looking to play with before to see how each other feels, setting up safe words for not only disinterest but for interest. Over time our rules have evolved as we have but probably the most consistent one is that we talk first.

The choice to be soft or full swap is a very personal one. We have met some couples that jumped right in from their first experience and other that have stayed soft swap. Is there a Right or Wrong way to do this? I think it is a matter of what is right for you as a couple. How did we answer the couple’s question, with our standard “we go with the flow” response. We had a great time in any case. No we don’t consider ourselves experts in swinging we just share our experiences and what works for us. We would be happy to answer any questions you might have email us at admin@winkwinkplayplay.com or check out this site for some great Q&A. http://www.allexperts.com/el/Adult-Swinging/

Vanilla Treats

Halloween Haunts or Halloween Taunts… We have our regular haunts for Halloween like the Halloween Ball in Vegas or some other Swinglifestyle event / club party in Los Angeles which ever sparks or interest or desire. This year however due to our schedules we were unable to really plan a getaway. Me being the OCD stricken member of this relationship usually plans months in advance picking out costumes, ordering them, special workout plans if the costumes require it, making room reservations, travel arrangements, getting friends locked in to go with us, etc… Yeah if you haven’t guessed Halloween is my favorite holiday and just truly fun in a lifestyle environment. The costumes seem to allow others to feel more free open. I guess with the wearing of one mask they feel free to drop all the others.

This year however with no time to plan we ended up accepting an invitation from some Vanilla friends to go to a local nightclub. We did some last minute shopping and threw some costumes together and proceeded to go out. I must admit that I wasn’t too excited about the idea. This is my night after all; how relaxed can I get having to watch what I say or do. Not only are we out with people who aren’t into wife swapping but we are at a club in the same town we live. Our neighbors, people in the community are there one misstep in judgment and there we are exposed as Swingers. No we aren’t ashamed of whom we are… It is kind of a Superman / Clark Kent sort of thing. We dress as Clark Kent during the day to interact with the general population and at night we remove that mask that we wear so we can be who we really are. After all Superman becomes Clark not for himself but for the protection of those closest to him i.e. our kids.

Where the night gets interesting… As the drinks are consumed and the dancing goes on one of Barbie’s girlfriend’s grabs her on the dance floor and begins to kiss her. That is where the thought process starts going into overdrive. First of let me say this friend is Hot… and those looks have been exchanged all night. The comments her and her boyfriend have made make you wonder are they into the lifestyle too. Do they PLAY? After all they are the only other ones that seem to have the costumes that suggest more than a trip to Wal-Mart. Plus comments about the other outfits at home make you go hhmmmmm could they be Swingers too? We hide in plain sight could they be wearing the mask too? How far do we want to take this? Do we want to test the waters? Could this night turn out to be less of a bust than we originally thought? Then another thought hits me… wait a minute girls kissing each other has become fashionable. This is something that is happening in nightclubs all over America with little more than what it is some kissing. Time to do what you normally do and let the girls take the lead and go where the night takes you after all this could be a case of metal masturbation.

Well nothing more happened than making out on the dance floor. Are they closest swinger’s who knows? Considering the time and place it was best to leave it alone. Just another reason why we prefer lifestyle events, you don’t have to worry about any of this stuff it all comes down to if everyone is clicking and the desire is there hell that is hard enough finding four people that click. So I have already started to plan for next year’s party. Ha-ha No more Vanilla clubs for us.