Your place or mine…

We have kids so there is always a pause in the response here. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we had no idea what we were doing. We read a little but mostly we talked with other couples in the lifestyle. What do you do? Have you ever done this? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle that? These are just a small sample of questions that flew for our lips. Hell at times I’m sure the other couples were wondering are we going to Play or just talk, or if they were being interviewed or something. Still most of the things we do today have come out of trial and error, our own personal experiences and mistakes have shaped our ground rules. The question of whether to invite someone into our home isn’t one we take lightly. The choice to bring someone home is a personal one. We have created a checklist if you will. Items for consideration…
The kids: Where will they be? Do we have a babysitter? Does the person/people we are considering have kids? How do they feel about being around kids? Well to be honest here we have only had a couple of people interact with our children. Meaning meet them, have their kids play with them, sleep over at each other’s house. Based on those couple of experiences we won’t do this again. It becomes difficult to explain why they can’t see their friends anymore when the adults no longer play together. So as a result we usually 99.5% of the time play when we have a babysitter or when the kids are away. Sure this limits the amount of time we have to play but it is much better than the idea of one of them walking in on something they shouldn’t see or something we would never want to explain.
How well do we know you? We tend to be a little more cautious than others. Let’s meet at a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) This goes back to Strange Danger… meaning if we don’t know you you’re not going to find out where we live. We meet in public then if everyone is comfortable we find someplace else to go play. We usually get a hotel room before hand as a place to go afterwards even if we don’t invite the others back with us. Just imagine having someone in your home sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink let’s play and your left going aaahhh fuck.
What about the neighbors? Yes this sounds paranoid or superficial but we do live in a neighborhood like desperate housewives… So the idea of explaining who are all those people coming over and staying till the wee hours of the morning is not something we want to do. Being know as the Wife Swapping couple of the neighborhood doesn’t sound like the goal we want to achieve. NO we are not ashamed of who we are or what we do. We enjoy this lifestyle. I guess it is a lot like an alcoholic in recovery they aren’t ashamed of being one and have a scene of pride of being one but at the same note don’t want everyone to know they are one. Or maybe a homosexual is a better example meaning there is gay pride and a comfort level of acknowledgement yet they don’t introduce themselves as “ hey I’m bob, the neighborhood Gay” I guess it comes down to the fact that we like to decide who we tell and who we don’t. Nobody likes to be judged by others and to a certain degree we say fuck them. Yet we still like the choice as to who we disclose it to. Not to mention that if the neighbors found out they might thing it is ok to hit on either one of us without the other there. Or neighborhood husbands thinking they could hit on my wife maybe touch her when she doesn’t want them too. After all the rules of “No Means No” are hard to enforce outside of a club.

Over the years the checklist has evolved and will continue to change as are kids get older our experience change. The guidelines we have set in place have truly made our lifestyle experiences more enjoyable. The less drama the more we can relax and enjoy the ride. The Main thing is Comfort Level we have to feel really comfortable with you before we will invite you into our home. Yet there is a certain freedom that comes from a hotel room.

Like we said in an earlier blog. “Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.”