We have had jealousy issues come up before. And chances are good they come up again - it's the nature of things. The first time I was with another woman jealousy arose in my spouse. It took some time and a lot of heart to heart talks to address those feels that surfaced. Jealousy reared its ugly head again the first time another man made her climax. I thing that one was a bit harder to deal with cause us guys in general don’t know how to deal with our feeling the same way women do.
Let’s face it women talk and share their feelings. We guys tend to hold them in or express anger before insecurity. We don’t know how to tell someone we love what we feel hell I think most guys can’t even put a name to the feeling they are having much less share it. We still have that need to “be a man” the male ego can be a powerful thing. It was hard for me to share with her my own insecurities. To open up and be vulnerable to the fact she could hurt me. As the years have passed I realized it is just as hard for her. Allowing someone in to the point that they know not only your secrets and desires but where all the soft spots are is a very scary thing.
Letting someone know you that much can be scary however it can be very freeing at the same time. When you build a level of trust like that it kind of becomes you two against the world. You know that someone else has your back. This isn’t something that is developed overnight it takes time along time. It is built on one block of trust at a time. Sharing one thing and seeing what they do with it and vice versa.
Today the Jealousy issues that arise aren’t internal they come from the outside. Meaning on occasion someone we play with starts to act differently. Playing games or saying one thing to one of us and another to the other, or try’s to plant a seed of mistrust. This is why we only play with the same person and/or couples a few times max. Sure we have lots of Friends with benefits in the Swinglifestyle but if we play with them again there is usually a long time period in-between. This is just something we have decided to do to prevent emotional ties being developed between them.
The level of trust and communication we have can’t be assumed to be there in the next couple. It is just this sort of thing that recently played out. When one member of another couple started to play that game on us. To what end I have no idea and their motives really don’t matter. Trying to get one of us play alone. Planting seeds of distrust and this might have worked on another couple but we have learned not to keep secrets and we tell each other exactly what is going on or what is said. Sure emotions come up but it is the trust and openness to share them with each other that makes us strong. You can’t live this lifestyle if you don’t trust your partner. At least in our experience.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Not another Cock!
We have profiles on a couple of different sites. Now and again we will try different ways to meet people; increase our friends with benefits list. Usually we stick to Swinglifestyle sites because we have found these to be the most effective way of meeting people. No we don’t endorse one over another, sure we have our preferences of course ours being one of them. Lol… But we won’t put one down or say that place is bullsh*t or say another one is great for that matter. You find what works for you and run with it. We are open enough to give other things a try.
Now with all that being said we tried something we never really tried before a personals section of a site. It’s not set up as a Swinglifestyle site or anything like that but has a section where people can place a personal ad along those lines. First of all let us state that we are not saying the site is bull it works for some and god knows lots of people use it. However for our own personal experience it isn’t quite for us. We placed an ad stating that we are a fun couple looking to play and that we are open to couples, males and females. We thought we would get a few responses and go through them email a couple see if we had anything in common exchange phone numbers and maybe go out to dinner and see what happens.
Now for the reality of what happened. We placed our ad and walked away from our computer and took care of our daily responsibilities, Kids, work, cleaning the normal everyday things. After a few hours I sat back down in front of our computer. I opened my email only to be hit with eighteen cocks staring back at me. The song from the lion king started running through my head, “I got a bunch of lovely coconuts all lined up in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head”. Ok yeah, an unusual association but let’s see how you react when you are met with a cockfest. It is like that traumatized person trying to go to a happy place. And of course over the years we have seen more cocks than a Jewish mohel. It just never ceases to amaze me that so many guys think that a picture of their cock and a fragmented sentence will have their fantasies come true.
Now guys I have written a couple of blogs given you advice on how to meet and hook up with a couple. It really isn’t that hard… Take the time to write a few complete sentences. Tell them about yourself, ask them some questions, treat them as a couple, and remember there are two people there. Save the bedroom talk for the bedroom. Oh yeah include a face photo first and if you really feel the need to show it off then make your cock photo as the second one. But I can’t stress enough that your cock isn’t a selling point.
Here let’s just take this one experience and show you how it played out. So after going through 18 cocks I called my wife over and started again from the beginning. Email one, “what does he look like”, email two, “does he have that much hair on his face”, email three, “come on do they have a face photo”, email four, “are they all like this? Then forget it”. I had no response to this… after all a couple or a single female would have been nice but to be overloaded with all these single males just was too much. Sure this personal ad section of this site works but it wasn’t the response we were looking for. We will just stick to what works for us lifestyle sites where you can read their profiles look at their photos see if you have anything in common then wink or email them. Plus this keeps our personal email address out of the picture.
Now with all that being said we tried something we never really tried before a personals section of a site. It’s not set up as a Swinglifestyle site or anything like that but has a section where people can place a personal ad along those lines. First of all let us state that we are not saying the site is bull it works for some and god knows lots of people use it. However for our own personal experience it isn’t quite for us. We placed an ad stating that we are a fun couple looking to play and that we are open to couples, males and females. We thought we would get a few responses and go through them email a couple see if we had anything in common exchange phone numbers and maybe go out to dinner and see what happens.
Now for the reality of what happened. We placed our ad and walked away from our computer and took care of our daily responsibilities, Kids, work, cleaning the normal everyday things. After a few hours I sat back down in front of our computer. I opened my email only to be hit with eighteen cocks staring back at me. The song from the lion king started running through my head, “I got a bunch of lovely coconuts all lined up in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head”. Ok yeah, an unusual association but let’s see how you react when you are met with a cockfest. It is like that traumatized person trying to go to a happy place. And of course over the years we have seen more cocks than a Jewish mohel. It just never ceases to amaze me that so many guys think that a picture of their cock and a fragmented sentence will have their fantasies come true.
Now guys I have written a couple of blogs given you advice on how to meet and hook up with a couple. It really isn’t that hard… Take the time to write a few complete sentences. Tell them about yourself, ask them some questions, treat them as a couple, and remember there are two people there. Save the bedroom talk for the bedroom. Oh yeah include a face photo first and if you really feel the need to show it off then make your cock photo as the second one. But I can’t stress enough that your cock isn’t a selling point.
Here let’s just take this one experience and show you how it played out. So after going through 18 cocks I called my wife over and started again from the beginning. Email one, “what does he look like”, email two, “does he have that much hair on his face”, email three, “come on do they have a face photo”, email four, “are they all like this? Then forget it”. I had no response to this… after all a couple or a single female would have been nice but to be overloaded with all these single males just was too much. Sure this personal ad section of this site works but it wasn’t the response we were looking for. We will just stick to what works for us lifestyle sites where you can read their profiles look at their photos see if you have anything in common then wink or email them. Plus this keeps our personal email address out of the picture.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
What does WinkWink PlayPlay mean?
We had someone ask us the other day “What does WinkWink mean or PlayPlay for that matter” so since this wasn’t the first time we have been asked we thought why not just put it out there. We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a while and like any thing in life there a jargon develops.
The name of the site wasn’t created overnight. We thought about what we wanted it to say, be, the feel of it. Did we want it to be in your face sex or classy and playful. I mean we could have gone with something like sex personals, swinger’s connection, friends with benefits, or a million other things. Yet those really didn’t seem to fit. We stripped away all of the garbage that comes to mind first and decided to look at Swinging and the online dating with fresh eyes. First you flirt with someone, a playful tease, a sexual innuendo; you let them know you are interested… The first site we ever went on used to have this thing called winks now they call it flirts I think and this is what you did to let someone know you are interested. Second comes the fun part well not really second more of the conclusion. After you email, chat or meet and everyone hits it off well you guessed it sex. Now this is where the jargon comes in cause almost every couple or single we have ever meet says “let’s play.” This seems to be the universal code word for sex… Sure there have been those that say Let F**k or something along those lines other still will say let have some fun. It is all the same thing but play has the fun aspect to it. The let’s enjoy ourselves thought behind it. Wait a second I just reread what I just typed and no everyone who meets us says doesn’t say let’s play but for the sake of this blog everyone the ones we have played with said it.
Ok so what is up with the repeating of words? That comes for two different places the first one being Monty Python. Yes really… they use to do this thing with two guys in a bar talking one asking about the others wife. Saying stuff like “does she take the pixs you know nudge nudge wink wink” and “does she dress up nudge nudge wink wink”. It’s the hint of something more something taboo. Then the second reference came from a comedian called Eddie Izzard. He did this routine about asking someone to coffee means let’s have sex. And again he doubled the words coffee coffee… See the doubling of the words gives it that sexual playful meaning. Now we couldn’t have called the site winkwinkcoffeecoffee everyone would have gone WTF. So we thought what do we and or others in the Swingerlifestyle call it. Hello Play…
That is how we put the words together winkwinkplayplay. The first one being the flirtatious desire, the innuendo, the let’s get to know each other. The second one being the classy yet playful way of saying let’s get to know each other and have sex. A way of saying what the site is about without being crude or in your face about it. Something that others in the Swinglifestyle would understand. It is about having fun and enjoying yourself.
The name of the site wasn’t created overnight. We thought about what we wanted it to say, be, the feel of it. Did we want it to be in your face sex or classy and playful. I mean we could have gone with something like sex personals, swinger’s connection, friends with benefits, or a million other things. Yet those really didn’t seem to fit. We stripped away all of the garbage that comes to mind first and decided to look at Swinging and the online dating with fresh eyes. First you flirt with someone, a playful tease, a sexual innuendo; you let them know you are interested… The first site we ever went on used to have this thing called winks now they call it flirts I think and this is what you did to let someone know you are interested. Second comes the fun part well not really second more of the conclusion. After you email, chat or meet and everyone hits it off well you guessed it sex. Now this is where the jargon comes in cause almost every couple or single we have ever meet says “let’s play.” This seems to be the universal code word for sex… Sure there have been those that say Let F**k or something along those lines other still will say let have some fun. It is all the same thing but play has the fun aspect to it. The let’s enjoy ourselves thought behind it. Wait a second I just reread what I just typed and no everyone who meets us says doesn’t say let’s play but for the sake of this blog everyone the ones we have played with said it.
Ok so what is up with the repeating of words? That comes for two different places the first one being Monty Python. Yes really… they use to do this thing with two guys in a bar talking one asking about the others wife. Saying stuff like “does she take the pixs you know nudge nudge wink wink” and “does she dress up nudge nudge wink wink”. It’s the hint of something more something taboo. Then the second reference came from a comedian called Eddie Izzard. He did this routine about asking someone to coffee means let’s have sex. And again he doubled the words coffee coffee… See the doubling of the words gives it that sexual playful meaning. Now we couldn’t have called the site winkwinkcoffeecoffee everyone would have gone WTF. So we thought what do we and or others in the Swingerlifestyle call it. Hello Play…
That is how we put the words together winkwinkplayplay. The first one being the flirtatious desire, the innuendo, the let’s get to know each other. The second one being the classy yet playful way of saying let’s get to know each other and have sex. A way of saying what the site is about without being crude or in your face about it. Something that others in the Swinglifestyle would understand. It is about having fun and enjoying yourself.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Swinging by any other name
We were talking with our friends at Swingfest just a couple of days ago and the perception of swinging came up. How so many companies deny us listings or services just because we are swingers. Yet they service all sorts of Adult oriented businesses.
It still amazes me to be denied a service from a company on the basis of our content. This one company called us obscene and stated that they do not work with businesses that deal with our subject matter. Yet several of their clients sell adult videos which showcase all sorts of XXX stuff. So I questioned them on their decision they responded with “we do not service dating sites that promote the meeting for sex”. What a joke… Do they think people join these sites to find someone to play cards with? Let’s be real here lust and desire come first love is what follows. I am not trying to get on a soap box and preach the benefits of swinging.
We could call it Friends with benefits or no strings attached meetings and probably have them lining up to provide their services. Swinging by any other name is still the Swinglifestyle, wife swapping or whatever you want to call it. Sure it isn’t for everyone but the couples we know in the lifestyle will all say it has brought them closer together. They don’t cheat on each other on the contrary the level of communication is deeper; the level of intimacy is deeper. But none of that really matters, it’s the word swinger that gets them. Who know what mental image they get a roman orgy, a hippie love fest or some other misconception that blocks them. Just call it something other than it is… It reminds me of something George Carlin said about the softening of words to be political correct, “back in WWII they called it Shell Shock, now it is post traumatic stress syndrome”. More words to say the same thing…
To be honest just trying to write about this bothers me. I would much rather share our experiences in the lifestyle than try to figure out or complain about those who don’t even what to take the time to understand. We aren’t ones to force our beliefs or actions on another, nor try to justify them. If you want to know about the lifestyle we will tell you.
It still amazes me to be denied a service from a company on the basis of our content. This one company called us obscene and stated that they do not work with businesses that deal with our subject matter. Yet several of their clients sell adult videos which showcase all sorts of XXX stuff. So I questioned them on their decision they responded with “we do not service dating sites that promote the meeting for sex”. What a joke… Do they think people join these sites to find someone to play cards with? Let’s be real here lust and desire come first love is what follows. I am not trying to get on a soap box and preach the benefits of swinging.
We could call it Friends with benefits or no strings attached meetings and probably have them lining up to provide their services. Swinging by any other name is still the Swinglifestyle, wife swapping or whatever you want to call it. Sure it isn’t for everyone but the couples we know in the lifestyle will all say it has brought them closer together. They don’t cheat on each other on the contrary the level of communication is deeper; the level of intimacy is deeper. But none of that really matters, it’s the word swinger that gets them. Who know what mental image they get a roman orgy, a hippie love fest or some other misconception that blocks them. Just call it something other than it is… It reminds me of something George Carlin said about the softening of words to be political correct, “back in WWII they called it Shell Shock, now it is post traumatic stress syndrome”. More words to say the same thing…
To be honest just trying to write about this bothers me. I would much rather share our experiences in the lifestyle than try to figure out or complain about those who don’t even what to take the time to understand. We aren’t ones to force our beliefs or actions on another, nor try to justify them. If you want to know about the lifestyle we will tell you.
Monday, January 4, 2010
I don’t want you. I’ve already had you.
The end of one year the beginning of a new year it’s a celebration that everyone seems to enjoy. Whether we are remembering the past or looking forward to a hope filled future. We’re no different we have enjoyed ourselves over the years. Our experiences in the Swinglifestyle have always seemed more enjoyable on this night. It seems to be a universal feeling of joy, rebirth if you will combine that with the orgasmic pleasure that a wife swapping experience can bring and it borders on a spiritual experience. So yeah, we go out every New Years Eve over the years we had tried several types of parties and meet all sorts of people.
We went out to a club takeover no real plans made to meet up with anybody more of a seat of our pants kind of thing. Which can but a damper on a night? If you have been to any of these things you know that it can be kind of a cliquish thing. I guess it is human nature for people to hang out with the familiar than trying something new. Now that one line will make you go what as this tell of our night goes on. Anyway, at these things you try and meet new people and find some couple that you can hit it off with. If you are like us this can be very interesting, meaning my wife is very social and I border on the socially handicapped. So she usually takes the lead in meeting new people. So as the night went on we talked with a few different couples moving through to find one that we connected with. With midnight approaching we thing we found one. Personalities seem to fit the right mix of humor and sarcasm. We talk as much as you can at these things with the music drowning out almost everything you say, till you are yelling in each other’s ears. We share a few drinks, take some time out on the dance floor, move back to the booth to flirt and talk with each other. That is when the husband makes the comment to his wife “I don’t want you, I’ve already had you. I want her.” Instantly I not only see the red in his wife’s eyes but mine as well. I sitting there think you F**king bone head. Sure you might be making a joke but it wasn’t received that way.
Now over the years I have said some truly stupid things that I still hear about till this day. However one of the things I would never say is that I didn’t want my wife. I might tell her “she’s hot”, “Boy, don’t they look like fun”, and I would even say “ I am lusting after her”. Even though I say stuff like this my wife comes first. I have both love and lust for my wife. My lust for someone else doesn’t replace or override my love for my wife. This is why we can experience the benefits of the Swinglifestyle. Our love and respect for each other comes first so when we come across someone that doesn’t treat their spouse with the same respect it is an instant turn off. Needless to say the hunt for another new year’s couple continued. We ended up finding a really cool couple and let’s just say the New Year looks like it going to be great.
We went out to a club takeover no real plans made to meet up with anybody more of a seat of our pants kind of thing. Which can but a damper on a night? If you have been to any of these things you know that it can be kind of a cliquish thing. I guess it is human nature for people to hang out with the familiar than trying something new. Now that one line will make you go what as this tell of our night goes on. Anyway, at these things you try and meet new people and find some couple that you can hit it off with. If you are like us this can be very interesting, meaning my wife is very social and I border on the socially handicapped. So she usually takes the lead in meeting new people. So as the night went on we talked with a few different couples moving through to find one that we connected with. With midnight approaching we thing we found one. Personalities seem to fit the right mix of humor and sarcasm. We talk as much as you can at these things with the music drowning out almost everything you say, till you are yelling in each other’s ears. We share a few drinks, take some time out on the dance floor, move back to the booth to flirt and talk with each other. That is when the husband makes the comment to his wife “I don’t want you, I’ve already had you. I want her.” Instantly I not only see the red in his wife’s eyes but mine as well. I sitting there think you F**king bone head. Sure you might be making a joke but it wasn’t received that way.
Now over the years I have said some truly stupid things that I still hear about till this day. However one of the things I would never say is that I didn’t want my wife. I might tell her “she’s hot”, “Boy, don’t they look like fun”, and I would even say “ I am lusting after her”. Even though I say stuff like this my wife comes first. I have both love and lust for my wife. My lust for someone else doesn’t replace or override my love for my wife. This is why we can experience the benefits of the Swinglifestyle. Our love and respect for each other comes first so when we come across someone that doesn’t treat their spouse with the same respect it is an instant turn off. Needless to say the hunt for another new year’s couple continued. We ended up finding a really cool couple and let’s just say the New Year looks like it going to be great.
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