Jealousy and the experienced swinger

We have had jealousy issues come up before. And chances are good they come up again - it's the nature of things. The first time I was with another woman jealousy arose in my spouse. It took some time and a lot of heart to heart talks to address those feels that surfaced. Jealousy reared its ugly head again the first time another man made her climax. I thing that one was a bit harder to deal with cause us guys in general don’t know how to deal with our feeling the same way women do.
Let’s face it women talk and share their feelings. We guys tend to hold them in or express anger before insecurity. We don’t know how to tell someone we love what we feel hell I think most guys can’t even put a name to the feeling they are having much less share it. We still have that need to “be a man” the male ego can be a powerful thing. It was hard for me to share with her my own insecurities. To open up and be vulnerable to the fact she could hurt me. As the years have passed I realized it is just as hard for her. Allowing someone in to the point that they know not only your secrets and desires but where all the soft spots are is a very scary thing.
Letting someone know you that much can be scary however it can be very freeing at the same time. When you build a level of trust like that it kind of becomes you two against the world. You know that someone else has your back. This isn’t something that is developed overnight it takes time along time. It is built on one block of trust at a time. Sharing one thing and seeing what they do with it and vice versa.
Today the Jealousy issues that arise aren’t internal they come from the outside. Meaning on occasion someone we play with starts to act differently. Playing games or saying one thing to one of us and another to the other, or try’s to plant a seed of mistrust. This is why we only play with the same person and/or couples a few times max. Sure we have lots of Friends with benefits in the Swinglifestyle but if we play with them again there is usually a long time period in-between. This is just something we have decided to do to prevent emotional ties being developed between them.
The level of trust and communication we have can’t be assumed to be there in the next couple. It is just this sort of thing that recently played out. When one member of another couple started to play that game on us. To what end I have no idea and their motives really don’t matter. Trying to get one of us play alone. Planting seeds of distrust and this might have worked on another couple but we have learned not to keep secrets and we tell each other exactly what is going on or what is said. Sure emotions come up but it is the trust and openness to share them with each other that makes us strong. You can’t live this lifestyle if you don’t trust your partner. At least in our experience.