Family Tree

With the holidays behind us and a few other comments I had no idea what I would write about this week. Sure we enjoy the Swinglifestyle and try to play as much as we can. But during the holidays family tends to overtake our playtime. And this year was no exception. When a relative reappeared after fifteen years a family holiday reunion was put together. Something I wasn’t looking forward to. Hours of socializing with the forgotten family tree and trying to hide our wife swapping lifestyle. Not to mention the fact that we now own our own swingers site.
It all started out the same, the hi’s how are you. Getting caught up on how all the family that you never see is doing.
Oh yeah, he just got out of jail. Nice tattoo huh?
No, she has cancer but the family is holding up fine.
Oh as for them, he got laid off a few months ago and now they’re struggling to keep the house.
Yeah, she did get implants; she got them put in sometime last year. I think they're saline.
Doesn't she look bad? I mean she was never pretty, but age has really not been kind to her - she looks like a monkey. He should never have married her.
Then it happened. We were introduced to some cousin we don’t really know and I get that gnawing feeling that I have seen him before. He brings his wife and kids over so we can meet them. We all start talking, I slip into conversation where do you work, live and do you travel much. From past experience we have learned that an outright question of “You look familiar, do we know you” can be very dangerous. You can get responses you don’t want shared around others like “yeah we were all naked in that Jacuzzi remember when you…”. So anyway the subtle questions didn’t ring any alarms so we all posed for a picture. You got to love digital cameras insert sarcasm here… cause that is when the alarm went off. The moment I looked at the photo on the camera it hit me. I have seen him on another site as a single male no less. Ahh, f**k, was the first thought ran through my mind. No I wasn’t worried if he recognized us. We keep our face photos private and only share those with those we are going to play with. The last thing we wanted was a moral dilemma at this event.
So the question becomes do we reveal this to his wife? Do we let him know we know what he is doing? If we do we will reveal ourselves in the process. Besides right now this is just an assumption we would have to go to the site to make sure. Do we even want to bother or get involved? Do we just delete our account on the site he is on I mean hell we don’t even use it? After all this isn’t the first married man playing single we have come across. Yeah this is family but that is worse if you get involved you can’t run away from the drama then. So what did we do? We spend the night avoiding them hanging out with other family members. What will we do? Who knows? We aren’t marriage counselors and is it really our place? There is more to this than one guys actions there is a whole family involved. Sure we have a lot experience in the swinglifestyle but does that make us experts on how to handle every situation? No… Sure everybody will have their own opinions of what we should do and who really knows what is the right or wrong thing to do. There is an old saying when you don’t know what to do, do nothing.

Not Funny then, Funny Now

A friend of ours read our last blog and commented that it was ok; sounding a lot like Columbia when Rocky was revealed in the Rocky horror picture show. So I asked what she meant she then stated that it was a good read but didn’t have her laughing like the others. My head began to run with all the funny or awkward experiences we have had in the Swinglifestyle. A list quickly formed of topics I could share that would amuse her. Things that have happened that weren’t funny at the time but now looking back we have to laugh at.
The reflection went something like this. The Weave- the time when we were playing with this couple and as wife of the couple went to perform oral on me I went to run my hands threw her hair. And yes you guessed it my wedding ring got caught and tangled in her weave not really the hair pulling experience she was looking for. Not funny then, funny now. The Midget- The time when we were at this club and met this fun couple. She was a beautiful statuesque blonde he was a humorous guy we were all sitting at a table and talking. The night had gone on for awhile so the level of intoxication was rising. So when he got up to use the restroom we were quite surprised to see his short stature and let’s just say our reaction wasn’t the most politically correct and wasn’t really received all that well. Not funny then, funny now. The Rats- The time we went back to this couples apartment after spending the night eating, drinking, laughing, and gambling. As we are talking in their living room getting ready to move things in a more lustful direction we notice something running across the floor. Surprised we asked “WHAT WAS THAT” to which they responded oh those are our pet rats hold on let us get them. AAHHH what… Not funny then, funny now. The senior citizen- the time we were at this Halloween party and this older couple was talking with us and the female asked me to dance. Looking to my wife for help in getting out of this she responded with “sure have fun”. The granny began to grind on my thigh leaving her aged essence on my costume; which I spent the next half hour trying wash not only out of outfit but my mind as well. Not funny then, funny now. The Cat Food- Ok this one is more of an awkward experience. We met this couple at a club in Vegas and everything was going great. Everyone got along there was attraction all the way around so we decided to take it back to their room. The girls were making out the clothes were coming off it started to get really heated that is when we noticed what could only be described as someone going to feed a cat. The awkward odor that filled the room made eyes water, how do you address something like that? Suddenly, I threw out my back and had to get back to our room. Not funny then, funny now. The Blowjob- the time we were at a house party and my wife and another woman were making out. I was standing there caressing them both when this other woman came up and proceeded to unbuckle my pants and blow me out of the blue. My wife looked down then at me all I could respond with is “do I know you.” Not funny then, according to my wife still not funny.
I then began to think is this what we intended the blog to be a running satire of wife swapping experiences. No not really… We thought maybe others in the Swinglifestyle could relate to it or maybe it could help other couples that are just entering the lifestyle. Besides if we shared all of these things what would we have to talk about when we meet someone at club? I then got upset at our friend and thought the blog isn’t meant to be funny, screw her. Then I thought of an Old Italian friend of ours who commented “sounds to me like you are one freak over the limit, I think you should throw the midget back.” And I realized life is funny and you should enjoy every moment you can.

Stimulate This

In our Online Profile we state that we don’t play on the first meeting. Our past experiences in the Swinglifestyle have proven this to be a wise statement to make like many of the guidelines and safeguards we have put in place. If you read through our blog posts you would think we play all the time. This isn’t really the case; our play time is valuable because we have many demands on our time.

It is a delicate balance of family time, work, and play. When something or someone interferes with it I have to restrain the urge to get upset. I have gotten better at this over the years but when we first started wife swapping I was the eager beaver or more like a child being told he couldn’t do something. I would pout and complain stomp my feet and say I wanna play… Then I realized something... I’m still going to get laid. Which is more than I can say for some others?

Here is the part where I explain what the hell I am talking about.

We were emailing this guy back and forth online and thought we would meet for dinner to see how it goes. Ok it was more me talking to this guy than my wife. I thought it would be a Christmas gift, according to the photo’s he was in amazing shape hell I wish I had his abs. He passed the face photo test; he lives in LA so he had that model type look. You get the idea I wanted to give basically a Chippendale dancer (but straight) to her for Christmas. Anyway, we scheduled a dinner and he did show up - a plus, or so I thought. We ordered a couple of drinks and started to talk.

Actually he started talking and this is where everything went downhill.

It all started with ordering dinner, it was like a male version of when Harry met Sally. So jokingly I commented on the way he ordered his meal. The education into fitness routines, protein shakes, and healthy diets, and the time he spends in the gym began and seemed to last for an hour. Noticing my wife’s interest fading fast I tried to change to subject. I asked had he ever done anything like this before, insert foot in mouth… He then began to list his conquests in detail totally ignorant of the beautiful woman across the table from him. Needless to say the No Play Phrase was spoken from her. No play phrase is something we work into conversation to let each other know we aren’t interested. A safe word… if you will.

Guys even if you look like a Greek God you still need a personality. The mind is the largest organ in the body -stimulate that first. I mean look at Jack Nicholson he is one scary looking Mother F**ker and he has been with countless women. I have a suggestion talk less, ask questions, get the woman talking, and show interest in her. Hell, try small talk, ask what TV shows do you like, what type of music do you listen to, make her laugh… Don’t talk just about yourself and leave the arrogance at home.

Needless to say we went our separate ways, and yes I did get laid. As for the urge to get upset, I think I was more upset over the fact that my Christmas gift was such a bust. Oh well guess I have to go to the jewelry store now… See; humor. Trust me humor will get you farther, than abs and arrogance alone. Remember it's not all about you; find out what turns her on. And to get between her legs you must first get between her ears.

You’re Not Santa Put That Bag Away

We have been in the Swinglifestyle for a few years now and have learned a few tricks of the trade if you will. Like, having a play bag for when you go out. A small bag filled with essentials like lube, condoms, baby wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, mints, a hair brush, change of underwear. See a pattern here they are all personal hygiene products. They are all items to make wife swapping more fun without seeming to surprising.

Okay what does this have to do with anything let me tell yeah? It’s our way of saying that if you have a bag with you when we go back to a hotel we aren’t that surprised. At least at first… Let’s back up a bit, we met this couple at a club and hit it off right from the gate. We laughed, flirted, we had fun on the dance floor, the girls started to make out with each other so we decided to take it back to our hotel room. So when we got there and they got out of their car and grabbed a bag out of the trunk we didn’t think much of it. Actually at first we find this refreshing, another experienced couple that is concerned about hygiene and safety. Yeah so we were projecting our own behavior on them. Anyway we all go into the room, we offer them something to drink, and the let the fun begin. Then the mystery bag is revealed. The motion was classic like something out Top Chief or Dexter the way this bag was unrolled onto the bed. Displaying a collection of sex toys you’d think only a traveling sex toy salesman would have.

We have nothing against sex toys, hell we have our own little collection. We have our favorites like, the rabbit, the cherry scented vibe with dual vibe eggs, the vibrating cock ring, and the crouch-less strap-on. These have all given us some truly unforgettable nights of play. However we knew the people we were playing with before the toys came out. I wouldn’t consider us old fashion and we are far from being prudes. But we have no idea where those things have been. Plus there is a little bit of a creep factor involved when they are brought out not only on the first night but when revealed in such a way.

You could tell that the husband was the one behind this cause of the look that flashed over the wife’s face. It never ceases to amaze me what the limits of blood flow do and I’m a guy. I don’t know maybe I expect too much, a standard code of ethics or rules and manners of play. Sure we’ve met all sorts of people and considering some of the things we have come across this is not that big of a deal. I mean toys are great and all however bring it up in conversation before hand or maybe in the next round of play. Wouldn’t you want to get to know us before you let us restrain you to a bed? It’s a comfort level thing… Just think about it you didn’t break out black mamba on the first date with your wife so why you would do it the first time you went to play with someone else. Sure there is sexual freedom and we can be definite freaks in bed but like the saying goes “I like to be kissed before you fuck me”. Just put the bag away for now.

Intimidating Prick

A friend of ours read about our last wife swapping adventure in the last blog posting and gave us a call. He shared something that I wouldn’t have put together and IT opened my eyes. Since that conversation I have been thinking about how to share his insight and our/my experiences without sounding like a conceited self-centered windbag. Here goes …

Our friend’s insight into the video watching husband was that he was intimidated by my endowment. Upon seeing the competition if you will, HE had feelings of inadequacy which affected his ability to perform. This caused me a moment of reflection on our past experiences with some single males - the guys who talked a good game but when the time came they didn’t. We had previously just marked it up to them being new to the Swinglifestyle. We didn’t consider other couples cause we thought maybe the husband’s inability is why they are in the lifestyle. So after having this eye opening thought dropped on us how we address the male ego. I thought I would share some of my experiences and then our thoughts.

The grass isn’t always greener… Everywhere you turn there is some advertisement telling you “you need a bigger penis”. What they don’t tell you is the shit you get for having one. Every job I have ever had I quickly become known for my endowment. I have been called every name you can think of. To this day I hate Shriek because when that came out my new nickname became “Don-Ka” I have spent years trying to hide what is in my pants. Buying pants two sizes too big, minimum of three pleats, I have tried pouch underwear that just made me look like I was wearing a cod-piece. I had one boss so obsessed with it he tried to get women to grab me to verify it was real. So you might be thinking quit your whining I am sure the women love it. Not really… they might be curious but it stops there. Certain things are just off the menu like oral, anal. The idea of huge endowment sounds better than the reality. The point is even endowed guys have issues with their genitals.

Ok now for our thoughts on the matter. It isn’t a competition. We aren’t in this lifestyle to see who the biggest or best lover is. We are in it for the f. Thoughts of insecurity will come up. I remember the first guy to make my wife cum other than me and the feelings that arose from that. But that is really what it is about the pleasure. I enjoy seeing a woman enjoying herself that is how I get off if you will. It isn’t what you are packing… Like we stating in our blog earlier my wife would rather see a photo of your face than of your penis. When we decide to play with you it is based on who you are as a person not your physical endowments. Now if you are concerned with what your spouse will think or how she will react to something different. That is a very personal thing and we can only suggest you talk with her, open up. You might find that she didn’t like it. It might have been painful yet another thing I hear a lot of. Focus on the pleasure and the heat of the moment. This is one instance you can remove the competition from the field.

You’re going to put What in!

Ok this one might offend some people, but it is something we have to share. It isn’t our intent to isolate some people or say that what they did / do is wrong. I guess it is more of a case of timing or consideration. If you are into Wife Swapping or are in the Swinglifestyle you’ll find all sorts of different things or behavior and we aren’t judging or saying that one is right or another is wrong, but some things are worth sharing. This is one of them.

Let’s back up and I’ll explain what the hell this is all about. We had been talking with this couple online for a little while and everyone seemed to be getting along so we decided to meet at a club. The night started off great. They showed up, we showed up – and that in and of itself is a plus. We found a table; got some drinks, all the normal small talk “wow you do look like your pictures” “it is good to see that they weren’t from 10yrs ago”. The girls hit it off and the guy didn’t seem creepy or pushy. Just down to earth real people, they seemed to be a loving couple. Balanced if you will... We danced and flirted for the next few hours. My wife and I took a moment to ourselves to talk to see how each other felt about them and we both gave the green light. This is something that is rare because we usually just meet first then go home and talk to see if we want to play with them or not. So when they invited us back to their place we said sure let’s go. Again, everything was going great they had a clean house, no kids sleeping in the next room. We had a couple of drinks and talked for a few minutes then the girls started to kiss and then she led us off to the bedroom.

Clothes are starting to come off and get more heated. The girls are playing with each other while the guys are rubbing and caressing the girls. Now without sounding conceited we are a good looking couple, no we aren’t models but we aren’t livestock either. So the thing that happened next kind of took me off guard. The guy gets up and goes and puts in a porno. He then sits in a chair and proceeds to watch this movie. Now I enjoy a good porno just as much as the next guy, but you have a real life sex show right in front of you. WTF… Sure we don’t mind playing with your wife without you, if you’re going to give us the go ahead. But if you’re going to stop and watch a porno to get aroused to come back and join the party then you might want to look into getting some Viagra. I mean it is one thing to put in the video before the playing starts as kind of a mood setter, but to get up in the middle of playing huh. I mean as a guy I thought this was strange but females can be sensitive to shit like this. Their heads start to run with thoughts of “what is wrong with me”, “He didn’t find me attractive”.

We had great time with his wife and when he came back he was kind of a fourth wheel in a three wheel situation. We will probably never play with them again, it was just too strange. Now that is saying something considering the various things we have done/ tried. Well it’s more of an awkward thing. This is something that could have easily been avoided by putting in the video earlier. Just one more example of someone self-obsessed meaning not considering the other people in the room. The one thing you have to keep in mind if you are going to be in the Swinglifestyle is that it is a group thing. It isn’t just about you take a moment to consider the people around and with you.

Single Male looking for Couples

There must be millions of them in the lifestyle all looking to live out some porno fantasy of a MFM. Yet the majority of couples’s profiles say “NO SINGLE MALES.” or “Single Guys We will contact you if we are interested.” So what is a guy to do? As a couple in the Swinglifestyle that actually plays with single males on occasion we have some suggestions.

Ok first let us say we have been talking with this one guy recently and are considering meeting to see how things go. Considering the number of emails we get from single guys even going through them seems a task in and of itself. To find one that seems a match what we look for in a single guy actually it is amazing. Even for me the guy of this relationship it’s like cool - this one might work.

Which brings us to some helpful tips: First, just don’t look at the pictures Guys read the couples profile see what they are looking for, see if you are a match, see if they even want an email from you, if not then move on. Second, say something intelligent “let’s fuck”, “you’re Hot”, “let’s get together”, “Nice Tits and/or Ass”, “Would Love to taste you” these aren’t going to get you very far. You have read their profile now respond to what they said, type a few sentences it doesn’t need to be a book just something that shows you can read and write carry on a conversation. Third, Attach a face photo if you really have to then also attach a crotch shot if you really feel the need. Let me just say my wife has never said that is a dick I have to get with she will usually say well what does he look like. You might be proud of your penis, hell I know I am, but the couples that will choose you on this only are few and far between.

Now that was just the basics here are some that will really help you. Be respectful remember that there are two people in the couple address both of them not just the wife you are looking to F**k. When we are looking for a single male it is just for some added fun not a replacement for the husband. Not to mention that at least my wife doesn’t want to be addressed in a cheap / rude way. Save the bedroom talk till the right time. Humor helps, say something funny don’t be so serious. Ask questions find out what the couple is into likes, dislikes; basically remember that is not all about your pleasure there are others involved. BE HONEST if you are married tell them. We personally don’t play with married males but we know couples that do. Hell there are couples out there looking for all sorts of things: wife swapping, cuckold experiences, Milf play, or just want to try the MFM experience. There are enough couples out there for you to find what you are looking for. These suggestions should help you in your search and if more single males followed these few guideline, then we – and other couples, might play with them more often.

Are you soft or full Swap?

This is one of the most common questions in the lifestyle. And yes we were faced with it this weekend. We went out to a club and meet this couple and everyone was clicking, which isn’t all that easy in the Swinglifestyle. I mean you can meet a couple and usually one won’t click or be attracted to someone in the group. After all you are dealing with four personalities not two. So when everyone is clicking it a celebration in and of itself. Anyhow, the question came up “are you a soft swap or full swap couple” and the answer for us is both really. No we aren’t fence riders nor are we undecided it’s more of the fact that we hate labels.

Some background history or experience might help. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we were more cautious than some. Our first couple of experiences was with singles not couples and they were fun but again the level of action was still pretty tame, we weren’t sure if we wanted to try wife swapping. We were feeling our way into the lifestyle seeing what we as a couple were comfortable with. Of course there were things I wanted to do that she didn’t and there were things she wanted to try that I was unsure of. The first couple we meet in the lifestyle lived close by and we started talking and going out then that first night of play finally came and we were all having a great time until they wanted to take it further. We naively hadn’t even talked about it the thought of what would happen or what to except or how far to go never came up. Then the female of the other couple asked me to F**k her hard. I have to be honest I went blank. Surprised as I was I looked toward my wife and I could tell this wasn’t the time. She was just as surprised and the flood of emotions had just hit her. At that moment I chose to end the night as delicately as I could which looking back probably wasn’t that smooth since I have no tact. We spent what seemed like a month talking about that night running the full range of emotions, desires, talking over jealousy and everything that make a guy uncomfortable.

As a result of that night we decided to take it slow see how it goes more or less table the full swap and just do soft until both of us were sure. We made a list of guidelines No means no of course, no taking one for the team, talking alone about the people we are looking to play with before to see how each other feels, setting up safe words for not only disinterest but for interest. Over time our rules have evolved as we have but probably the most consistent one is that we talk first.

The choice to be soft or full swap is a very personal one. We have met some couples that jumped right in from their first experience and other that have stayed soft swap. Is there a Right or Wrong way to do this? I think it is a matter of what is right for you as a couple. How did we answer the couple’s question, with our standard “we go with the flow” response. We had a great time in any case. No we don’t consider ourselves experts in swinging we just share our experiences and what works for us. We would be happy to answer any questions you might have email us at admin@winkwinkplayplay.com or check out this site for some great Q&A. http://www.allexperts.com/el/Adult-Swinging/

Vanilla Treats

Halloween Haunts or Halloween Taunts… We have our regular haunts for Halloween like the Halloween Ball in Vegas or some other Swinglifestyle event / club party in Los Angeles which ever sparks or interest or desire. This year however due to our schedules we were unable to really plan a getaway. Me being the OCD stricken member of this relationship usually plans months in advance picking out costumes, ordering them, special workout plans if the costumes require it, making room reservations, travel arrangements, getting friends locked in to go with us, etc… Yeah if you haven’t guessed Halloween is my favorite holiday and just truly fun in a lifestyle environment. The costumes seem to allow others to feel more free open. I guess with the wearing of one mask they feel free to drop all the others.

This year however with no time to plan we ended up accepting an invitation from some Vanilla friends to go to a local nightclub. We did some last minute shopping and threw some costumes together and proceeded to go out. I must admit that I wasn’t too excited about the idea. This is my night after all; how relaxed can I get having to watch what I say or do. Not only are we out with people who aren’t into wife swapping but we are at a club in the same town we live. Our neighbors, people in the community are there one misstep in judgment and there we are exposed as Swingers. No we aren’t ashamed of whom we are… It is kind of a Superman / Clark Kent sort of thing. We dress as Clark Kent during the day to interact with the general population and at night we remove that mask that we wear so we can be who we really are. After all Superman becomes Clark not for himself but for the protection of those closest to him i.e. our kids.

Where the night gets interesting… As the drinks are consumed and the dancing goes on one of Barbie’s girlfriend’s grabs her on the dance floor and begins to kiss her. That is where the thought process starts going into overdrive. First of let me say this friend is Hot… and those looks have been exchanged all night. The comments her and her boyfriend have made make you wonder are they into the lifestyle too. Do they PLAY? After all they are the only other ones that seem to have the costumes that suggest more than a trip to Wal-Mart. Plus comments about the other outfits at home make you go hhmmmmm could they be Swingers too? We hide in plain sight could they be wearing the mask too? How far do we want to take this? Do we want to test the waters? Could this night turn out to be less of a bust than we originally thought? Then another thought hits me… wait a minute girls kissing each other has become fashionable. This is something that is happening in nightclubs all over America with little more than what it is some kissing. Time to do what you normally do and let the girls take the lead and go where the night takes you after all this could be a case of metal masturbation.

Well nothing more happened than making out on the dance floor. Are they closest swinger’s who knows? Considering the time and place it was best to leave it alone. Just another reason why we prefer lifestyle events, you don’t have to worry about any of this stuff it all comes down to if everyone is clicking and the desire is there hell that is hard enough finding four people that click. So I have already started to plan for next year’s party. Ha-ha No more Vanilla clubs for us.

Hardcore Swingers!!!

Don’t you hate labels…? We went out the other night and meet this fun couple and as the conversation progressed. It became obvious that they were kind of new to the lifestyle. Still feeling it out seeing what works for them and what doesn’t. Been there done that hell I think we are still doing it. Anyway as we talked they stated “well we were talking with them but they seem like hardcore swingers”. Cause for Pause… Warning lights… Wondering at this point how will we be perceived? Do we tell them how long we have been in the Swinglifestyle? Do we tell them we own a Swingers / Adult social networking site? Here is where the different personalities come into play. Meaning my wife’s and mine… She is a little more sensitive to things like this, I guess she cares what others think of her or it could come down to that thinking of I might be wild in the bedroom but don’t call me a ho or a slut in public. I don’t know. I on the other hand could give a shit what others say I am a freak, a sexual addict I know it and accept it. So… however this is a marriage and we do communicate and after all this time there is that level of non verbal communication that happens in situations like these. Let’s be honest I tend to let her take the lead in these conversations cause I will and usually say something that could cause a problem.

So I guess it comes down to the fact of how we see ourselves do we consider ourselves soft-core or hardcore swingers. Let’s not get this confused with soft swap or full swap that is two different things altogether. The one thing we have learned is that this definition is different for everybody. Example: even after being in the lifestyle for the last 10 years, owning our own site, we still consider ourselves soft-core swingers. Why? Because we don’t go out all the time, we still meet first and see if there is a connection first before we play, we still use protection, and we don’t play separately these are just some of the things that to us define us as soft-core. Yet someone else could easily see us as hardcore swingers. Saying well we’re not into wife swapping just girl play and any number of other reasons.

How did the night end up? Well we didn’t play with them but that doesn’t mean much cause like we stated we rarely do on the first meeting. We talked, danced and the girls made out with each other so it looks pretty good that we will have some new friends to play with. How did they perceive us? Well we will never truly know however like in most cases we tend to fear the worst reaction and receive the best or at least a better one. Keep in mind newbie’s want to learn and even though they might have fear or reservations of hardcore swingers experienced couples are a good guide on how to have a successful time in the Swinglifestyle. Nothing is wrong with being a hardcore swinger or a soft-core swinger it comes down to what you feel comfortable with and remember someone is always going to view you in a different light. I guess it comes down to what Shakespeare put best - “to thy own self be true …” and screw everyone else. The screw everyone else part I added, Shakespeare would have said “ fuckth the lot” or something like that. You think Shakespeare was a swinger?

Your place or mine…

We have kids so there is always a pause in the response here. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we had no idea what we were doing. We read a little but mostly we talked with other couples in the lifestyle. What do you do? Have you ever done this? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle that? These are just a small sample of questions that flew for our lips. Hell at times I’m sure the other couples were wondering are we going to Play or just talk, or if they were being interviewed or something. Still most of the things we do today have come out of trial and error, our own personal experiences and mistakes have shaped our ground rules. The question of whether to invite someone into our home isn’t one we take lightly. The choice to bring someone home is a personal one. We have created a checklist if you will. Items for consideration…
The kids: Where will they be? Do we have a babysitter? Does the person/people we are considering have kids? How do they feel about being around kids? Well to be honest here we have only had a couple of people interact with our children. Meaning meet them, have their kids play with them, sleep over at each other’s house. Based on those couple of experiences we won’t do this again. It becomes difficult to explain why they can’t see their friends anymore when the adults no longer play together. So as a result we usually 99.5% of the time play when we have a babysitter or when the kids are away. Sure this limits the amount of time we have to play but it is much better than the idea of one of them walking in on something they shouldn’t see or something we would never want to explain.
How well do we know you? We tend to be a little more cautious than others. Let’s meet at a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) This goes back to Strange Danger… meaning if we don’t know you you’re not going to find out where we live. We meet in public then if everyone is comfortable we find someplace else to go play. We usually get a hotel room before hand as a place to go afterwards even if we don’t invite the others back with us. Just imagine having someone in your home sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink let’s play and your left going aaahhh fuck.
What about the neighbors? Yes this sounds paranoid or superficial but we do live in a neighborhood like desperate housewives… So the idea of explaining who are all those people coming over and staying till the wee hours of the morning is not something we want to do. Being know as the Wife Swapping couple of the neighborhood doesn’t sound like the goal we want to achieve. NO we are not ashamed of who we are or what we do. We enjoy this lifestyle. I guess it is a lot like an alcoholic in recovery they aren’t ashamed of being one and have a scene of pride of being one but at the same note don’t want everyone to know they are one. Or maybe a homosexual is a better example meaning there is gay pride and a comfort level of acknowledgement yet they don’t introduce themselves as “ hey I’m bob, the neighborhood Gay” I guess it comes down to the fact that we like to decide who we tell and who we don’t. Nobody likes to be judged by others and to a certain degree we say fuck them. Yet we still like the choice as to who we disclose it to. Not to mention that if the neighbors found out they might thing it is ok to hit on either one of us without the other there. Or neighborhood husbands thinking they could hit on my wife maybe touch her when she doesn’t want them too. After all the rules of “No Means No” are hard to enforce outside of a club.

Over the years the checklist has evolved and will continue to change as are kids get older our experience change. The guidelines we have set in place have truly made our lifestyle experiences more enjoyable. The less drama the more we can relax and enjoy the ride. The Main thing is Comfort Level we have to feel really comfortable with you before we will invite you into our home. Yet there is a certain freedom that comes from a hotel room.

Like we said in an earlier blog. “Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.”

Twitter and the Swinglifestyle

This is more of a rant or an out flow of random thoughts than anything else.

We have a twitter account ( @kennnbarbie2 ) and we have been on there for a while. We're not overly active meaning yes we post and try to talk with others but we really don’t join mafia clubs or send gifts to others nor are we on there all the time using our cell phones to post every little thing we do. We tend to post when we are going out, some general things after we have gone out, to be honest a lot of them were about the revamp of the site and the process we went through for that. This brings me to the rant… We never mentioned the site by name and only now have we even listed the website as a link. The idea behind the twitter account we to share our experiences as a couple who enjoys wife swapping or more commonly known as the Swinglifestyle while balancing family / kids one with a disability, and running a business. We have only found a few genuine people in the lifestyle on twitter and majority seems to be other websites promoting themselves and in a way I guess we fall into that. Because we do have a website… yet we make a point not to follow other sites and try to only follow people.

Something that made us think… we know our previous site sucked well at least wasn’t designed very well, so the competition didn’t pay us much mind. Rightfully so… but the other day they all of the sudden started to follow us on twitter with a brand new account. Is this just a fluke something that happened as they set up the account looking for followers? What should we do take the higher ground and leave them be? Or Block them to keep with our own guideline. Quite frankly we’ll probably do nothing… we won’t follow them back nor will we block them.

The idea of twitter as a marketing tool for our type of site is still unproven to me. We’re not prono yet as a swinger/dating site we are more adult and work hard to keep children from the site, so do we really fit the mold for twitter? We’re not Ashton Kutcher, we’re not mobile cupcakes so does anything our industry put up become more than spam wallpaper. Hell, I get annoyed at seeing post after post tweet after tweet for some prono site. Do we really want to be thrown into that mix? Ah no… that is why we try and use twitter for what is it a social network a personality attached to the brand. Not everyone will like the brand or the personality for that matter. Don’t get us wrong if by some slim chance the twitter-sphere picks us up and says “there site is awesome and you have to be a member” than great, awesome but is that what we are looking to do. No… It is a place for us to share about our lives, our day, trying to balance life and all it throws at us. Twitter has it place on the web and it is definitely growing, the question is does the Swinglifestyle have its place on twitter? As individuals sure we are everywhere… As an industry that I’m not so sure of.

We are very excited to introduce the NEW and IMPROVED WINKWINKPLAYPLAY.

When we set out to create WinkWinkPlayPlay the one thing we wanted was to have it be for swingers by swingers… For Singles or Couples interested in Wife Swapping more commonly known as the Swinglifestyle. We wanted a more personal touch - not just some faceless corporate entity with little regard for the membership beyond their credit cards. One of the things we did was to ask for your input. Even though some of it was hard to listen to - we did. You had some truly great ideas and possibly an even clearer picture of what a site should be than we did.

Your suggestions sent us back to the drawing board with a lot of ideas. It has taken us almost a year of hard work to bring not only your vision, but ours, into reality. WinkWinkPlayPlay has become more of a social network than a dating site. You’ll find the new site to be a cross between AFF and FACE BOOK, LL and Twitter with a little YouTube and MySpace for good measure. We invite you to look around, create a friends network of your own, upload some video’s, try our Webcam Video conferencing (you can view multiple cams at one time) and our Chat rooms. Start a topic in the forum, start your blog for your Play Wall, or just send a winkwink to someone - go explore and play...

We invite you to come and explore.
thanks
Kennnbarbie2

not pushing Q and A

here is nice Q&A we came across that addresses the lifestyle being a joint thing and that you should never force your partner to do something they don't want to...

Adult Swinging - Adult swinging

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Expert: Leesa - 4/2/2009
Question
Hi i am married for a couple of years and we love each other.My wife used to have great sex curiosity which is dying now.I have observed when she chat online she gets hot.While doing sex i talk about other guys and she likes it but asks me if i can handle it.I want her to drink,smoke and expose herself in sexy clothes,go to nightclubs.How should i make her agree on this?

Answer
Hi
Thanks for your question.
I must say that you should never try and MAKE your wife do anything she doesnt want to do.
Our lifestyle is about communication and understanding and respect.
If you force your wife into doing something that she does not want to do you will destroy what you have.
Can i suggest you go to the chatroom and participate with your wife, have sex on cam maybe , join her with her fantasties while she is on cam, i find this really hot and it is very harmless if done together.
Then go from there, take it step by step, talk and commmunicate and watch the boundries change slowly over time.
hope that helps
Leesa

read more on the swinglifestyle here: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Adult-Swinging-2707/

Entertaining at Home?

Here is a question that seems to come up a lot. Should we entertain at our Home?
This is truly a personal decision and there are a lot of factors you should take into consideration.
1. Do you have kids at Home?
Regarding kids: This can be a touchy subject some couples have no problem inviting others over to play with their kids at home while others would never dream of it. If you are comfortable with the idea of inviting play mates over with your kids at home make sure the people you are inviting are comfortable with it too. Or play when the kids are away i.e. school, sleepovers, grandparents or whatever. The majority of people we know like to keep their playtime away from their kids even though this can limit the amount of playtime due to babysitter issues they would rather play less than run the risk of having their child or their play mates’ children walking in on some fun activities.
2. Do you know the people you are inviting into your home?
Again this is a personal comfort level thing. Some people have no problem inviting others into their home after a bit of conversation online. However personally we are a more cautious and prefer to have the first face to face meeting in a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) this is something we have just made a rule if we haven’t met in person you aren’t coming into our home. By having a safe location to meet we can see how all of us feel and if the comfort level is there. With that being said we usually don’t invite them into our home right away if we feel like playing we’ll get a room or something. We find that this removes all the pressure that one could feel over having someone (s) in your home that you don’t want to play with but you invited them over and now they are sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink and your left going aaahhh fuck.
3. Is it for a party or a more personal setting?
COMFORT LEVEL HELLO: A party is a sure way to measure your comfort level… This could sound like a lot of fun and end up being more than you bargained for… We strongly recommend that you attend a couple of house parties before entertaining the idea of throwing one yourselves. Don’t get us wrong we are not putting down house parties they can be a blast, but if you have never been to a few of them you could be in for a wild ride… no we aren’t saying it is like something out of animal house were you house will be completely trashed most people are very respectful of the home they are in. You could have a party where nothing happens or a party where you are going is there a surface in my house that hasn’t seen a butt cheek… AS FOR MORE PERSONAL SETTINGS: these have been some of the best experiences we have had in the lifestyle. Just a friend or two, three, four over for some drinks and a dip in the Jacuzzi… I will leave it at that before the memories over take me.
4. If it is a Party what about your neighbors?
If you are considering throwing a house party you probably want to take a second and think about your neighbors… Are they close? Are they nosy? Will they come over? Will they call the police? These are just a couple of thoughts that you should have beforehand that might save you from explaining those people having sex on your living room floor… A few minutes telling your neighbors that you are having a private party might save you headache in the future. Let them know there might be a lot of cars parked out front, that you will try and keep the noise down. I guess you really have to figure out if your home and/or neighborhood is a place to have a party. Again attend a few house parties first get a feel on how it is done. See what works best, what you liked what you didn’t like. Who knows you could end up being the hottest new meeting place in your area…
Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.

So you’re going out Mom & Dad huh

OK here is the situation you and your spouse are planning a night out you’re heading out to a swing event some swinger club is putting on what do you tell your kids or better yet how do you handle explaining the clothes your wearing… Let’s just say it is Pimp and Ho night… what do you do? After all you’re not going to tell them you’re in the Swinglifestyle right.
It’s not Halloween how do you explain the outfits or what do you do to avoid explaining anything…
Our kids are getting at that age where they are starting to know more about life which seems to keep getting younger and younger… How do we handle a night out?
First there is the whole babysitter thing… Finding one scheduling one and getting everything set with that. Then there is the outfits or should I say my wife’s outfit … lol the shoes alone seems to take hours and the mix n match game of how does this look… I know it sounds cliché but I swear it happens in every home across America if not the world…
Well from our experience and many others we have talked to here are some ideas and ways of handling a night out.
We have tried the “Oh we have to go to a party for Daddy and/or Mommy work”… depending on the event this one can work.
The one that we have found that works the best for us is Date Night… this is where we set up a regular schedule of evening outings, Not necessarily Lifestyle events just a regular time when me and the wife go out could be dinner and a movie, Vegas, a club, meeting some friends, or a Swing Club… By having a regular thing the kids suspect less cause it is normal for mommy and daddy to go out.
The other thing we try and do is get dressed elsewhere… Sure we have to pick out the clothes before hand and I highly recommend that you do to… let her play how does this look and TAKE A BAG of options… I remember going out one time and we were going to be Austin Powers and a Femme Bot well when she got dressed it was a resounding HELL NO I’M NOT WEARING THIS… so again take a bag of options… it will cost less in the end…
Now you can get dressed at a gas station but depending on the neighborhood you could have some interesting explaining to do… What we and many other have found is the simplest solution usually works best get a Hotel Room… plus this gives you a place to play later… if the night goes well you can have some fun wife swapping adventure…
Of course you could tell them you are swingers but I don’t really know any couples that do this. It’s not really being dishonest it more being protective. Arguments can go both ways on this and even though we have no shame in what we do we still feel the need to protect our kid’s innocence at least for now.

One Blog to Follow...

We came across this Blog and highly recommend following this one. Read this little interview to see what we mean.

Swing Blog Tour - An Interview with Jolie du Pre
Posted in Blog Tour, Swing Anthology, adult on April 1st, 2009 by swingant
Swing! Adventures in Swinging by Today’s Top Erotica Writers is edited by Jolie du Pre and published by Logical-Lust. The official release date for this exciting swinging erotica anthology is April 24, 2009. It includes 25 stories by 25 of today’s top erotica writers.

Our first BLOG TOUR stop is with the founder and editor of Swing! - Jolie du Pre.

1. Why do you write erotica and what do you love best about it?

I write erotica because I like to write, and because I enjoy and appreciate sex. I love it when an author can create a sexual situation, yet at the same time, tell a story. The first erotica book that I remember reading, at 16, was Nin’s Delta of Venus. The most scandalous, that I read around the same age, was Hollander’s The Happy Hooker.

2. Tell us about your story in Swing! Adventures in Swinging by Today’s Top Erotica Writers and please feel free to give us an excerpt.

Two of the main characters in my story are a couple that are being forced out of the small town where they live because they’ve been operating a swing club out of their home. It’s not that it’s against the law for them to have the club, it’s that some of the religious members of the community want them out. My tale looks at what can happen when you come face to face with your persecutors.

She’s standing at the meat counter, talking to a woman. I can hear her all the way in produce.

“Everyone is in agreement. We’ve won!”

“Sodom and Gomorrah! The sooner we shut them down the better this town will be.”

I grab the bag of oranges and hurry over to check-out. The last thing I need is to run into Shirley. She’d have no qualms about attacking me right in the middle of the grocery store.

Inside our house, my husband Dave is on his computer. Ever since we learned what the town is up to, he has put his focus on getting us out of here.

“It’s all set! I’ll be working with my brother when we move to Chicago. He’s rented the space. All we have to do now is move in.”

I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone else. I’m used to that. Dave grew up in the city and only agreed to live in a small town due to the job offer here. He could deal with Chicago. As for me, I’m not so sure.

“I saw Shirley in the grocery store, talking to someone about us. She’s all fired up that our club may close.”

“Honey, the town has us by the balls. Not much we can do about it anymore. This is the wrong place for our club. We were crazy to think nobody in the town would find out about it. We’ll start fresh in Chicago.”

Dave had taken the stress of the situation and turned it into a positive. But it was a lot harder for me.

“I gotta go to work. I’ll see you tonight.” He gives me a kiss on the cheek. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll be okay.”

“Good.” He grabs some keys. “I’ll take the truck. See ya.”

I put the oranges in the refrigerator and then walk into the bedroom. Why should I leave? We have every right to be here like everyone else. I fall on the bed, face down.

Shirley. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just her. She’s just the ring leader. And boy did she work hard. She must have spent six months gathering signatures, holding town meetings, sending us letters to let us know that what we do is not welcome.

Honest sex. That’s what swinging is. Honest sex. What’s so wrong with that? Our club is small—just the two rooms and the room with the hot tub. Our crowd is small. It’s not like the entire town is swinging. We mind our own business. Yet, Shirley is determined for us to close.

I turn and lay on my back, looking up at the ceiling. I can see lots of dead bugs inside the ceiling light. Ever since this thing had gone down, cleaning has not been on the top of my list. I spend a lot of time wallowing in self pity. Just mustering enough motivation to get the basics done takes work. Like the post office. I really need to go to the post office.

I pull myself off the bed and gather the bills that I had been meaning to mail. This is my job, and Dave wouldn’t be too happy with me for being so lazy lately.

there is more check it out at : http://swinganthology.com/

A great Article on Sex Honesty

Sex Honesty: Get Involved!
Posted in Ask Dan and Jennifer, Sex on March 18th, 2009 by swingant
“We believe that the solution to a more loving and accepting world lies in foundations of open and honest communication around all topics - including sex education, sexual preferences, and sexual orientation.

Sex Honesty is the ideal behind the publication and sharing of truthful, uncensored, and sex positive information.”

~

I’ve been familiar with Dan and Jennifer for quite some time. Dan and Jennifer are the Founders and Senior Editors of the very popular site - Ask Dan and Jennifer. It really is a great place to go for the best dating, love and sex advice around. If you’ve visited Swing! Adventures in Swinging by Today’s Top Erotica Writers before, you have noticed that I’m fond of posting Dan and Jennifer’s advice videos here at the blog. Dan and Jennifer have a positive attitude when it comes to sexuality, and that’s what I support here at Swing!

Now they’ve launched another way to support a healthy attitude and discussion about sex, and that’s with the project - Sex Honesty. The Sex Honesty project is looking for individuals and organizations that “support honesty, education and a sex positive message.”

There are so many ways to support this wonderful project.

Donate money - even as little as $1 will help to support the cause. Larger donations are of course welcome, too!

Blog about Sex Honesty.

Read the rest here: http://swinganthology.com/

This is Great

We came across this banned commercial and had to share it... The Swinglifestyle is alive and well... even at ad agencies...

Friends With Benefits Makes Playtime Extra Fun!!!

a swingers website, developed and brought to you by real swingers, living a swinglifestyle; for real swingers, who are swinging, or for those that are interested in swinging and don’t know where to begin. Swinging isn’t something that you just decide to do.& It is important that you and your partner are comfortable with the idea and are willing to stop if one of you isn’t. Not knowing how you will truly react your first time out, you must really spend a good amount time talking about what you are going to do if one of you gets jealous, if one of you feels insecure, or if one of you or possibly both accidentally end up having a crush on the other person or people. These are real issues that need to be addressed before going any further. Your comfort with each otheris paramount. If you aren’t completely ready then a swing lifestyle isn’t for you.
Understanding why you want to find and play with friends with benefits is also important. If you both are not on the same page, this will create confusion, hurt feelings, and unnecessary misunderstandings. When you first start swinging you are going to feel emotions that you probably have never felt before and you need to make sure you address them before they become problems. Adding people and excitement to your relationship is supposed to help your bond grow while indulging in the idle pleasures of others. If you don’t find yourself enjoying the extracurricular play, that’s okay, swinging isn’t for everyone. read the rest here:http://www.adultlinkexchange.info/friends-with-benefits.html

Helpful hints for getting away

How to survive a kink event
The new year is coming quickly, and for me, that means that I’m looking forward to all my favorite events in 2009.
From Chicago to Washington DC to NYC to San Francisco and beyond, there are at least three or four kink / sex positive events every weekend to choose from. Running away from the “vanilla” world for a weekend to cavort and learn with a hotel full of kinky people is a delicious idea, but keep in mind that it’s not just a vacation - it’s an adventure in energy-, money-, and time-stretching that isn’t for the faint of heart! Here are some of my own observations and rules that I use for event attending for your perusal; if you have more, I’d love to know about them, too, so I can wring even more enjoyment out of my weekends away!

1. Acknowledge that you can’t do everything, and that you are under no obligation to make it to every class or special event you want to go to. Give yourself permission to skip something - or a few somethings.

2. Take time out for down time. Afternoon or post-dinner naps are amazingly restorative, even if you just lay there watching the hotel TV like a zombie for an hour. I personally recommend scheduling longer, and starting off with great sex prior to your nap, but your mileage may vary!

3. Eat appropriate food. Pop tarts and Cheez Doodles may not be the best options for breakfast and lunch, especially when you’re stressing your body out by staying away from home with 800 of your BFF’s and sleeping four hours a day while kissing everyone in the vicinity and trying to figure out whether that hot, sexy thang was just being nice or was really flirting with you and whether you should hit on them later at the party.

4. Go away for a bit. Whether it’s a movie on the TV in your hotel room, a walk through a nearby park, or soaking in a bath tub and reading a novel, some time where you’re awake and not immersed in kinky concepts can go a long way towards helping to not burn out.

5. Take a sanity kit of toiletries & accessories. Mine includes:

Earplugs to block external noises (like rowdy hotel hall wanderers, snoring roommates, and the construction across the street)
Health-supporting substances - zinc, multivitamins, vitamin c (bonus if it’s emergen-c packets), echinacea, arnica (for bruises), tylenol, tums, allergy meds, decongestants, sunblock (especially for events with large out-of-doors components).
Lube. Even if you rarely need it.
Extra condoms.
A spare cell phone charger.
Extra hotel-sized bar of soap
Extra hotel-sized bottle of lotion
Business cards with at least your name & email address. Give them out & skip the search for a pen in your pocket to write your info down on a scrap of paper which will accidentally end up in the trash, anyhow.
Teddy Bear (mine is named Stuart)

Read the rest here: http://sarahsloane.wordpress.com/2008/12/06/how-to-survive-a-kink-event/

something we cam across

Your Swinglifestyle Is YOUR Business!
Living as a straight monogamous man or woman is getting increasingly….BORING!!! However as boring as it is, it is hard to find someone who is willing to play outside the box. Old ideals and taboos can really get in the way of someone having fun. Having an open mind is a desirable quality, as long as it doesn’t have to do with the bedroom. Are you sick of hearing that? Yeah, we are as well. Tired of living a so called traditional life? Do you want more? Do you want wife swapping? Is your husband excited by the idea of being able to touch someone else? Does the idea of seeing your wife getting touched by another man or woman, or both, turn you on?

Have you and your lover experienced a swinglifestyle before and just want to meet real people without a bunch games? You know that playing with other people can be fun, stimulating, and good for your relationship. If you and your lover are in a stable, comfortable, open-minded relationship; winkwinkplayplay.com is for you. At winkwinkplayplay.com there are like-minded people who are also ready to meet new friends to broaden their horizons and help experience life to its fullest. Maybe you aren’t in a relationship at all? You might just want to meet people to have fun with. Couples and singles alike want to meet others to play with. Having freedom of pleasure without the headache of a relationship is what these people are looking. Tired of hanging out in bars waiting for a couple that is ready to play is boring and dangerous, and usually leaves you going home alone either way.
READ THE REST HERE:http://www.sexy-live-webcam.com/swinglifestyle.html

Great Q&A on a topic for most men

We came across this Q&A and had to share it... We have come across many couples and/or men who have thoughts about this and we felt the way this is addressed should answer many unasked questions...

Adult Swinging - Fear of inadequacy
Expert: Analisa - 3/17/2009

Question
My wife and I of 28 years are incredibly happy and secure. She's my best friend, business partner, mother of my child, and many other roles. She's only had two other sex partners before we were married, and one of those was abusive. That, coupled with low testosterone, kept her libido in idle for several years. We have been working on that over the past couple of years and found a doctor who has helped her immensely. If fact, she can get really hot now, and is still incredibly beautiful.

We've been fantasizing about the hot wife lifestyle for some time. She's an exhibitionist and I'm a voyeur, so it fits pretty well. We'd both like to find some men for her to be with while I watch, take pics, etc, and have been cautiously moving down that road. We've joined a swap site, posted some pics, and have been looking for men and/or couples that might fit. She has no desire to see me with another woman, and that's okay with me.

We're trying to check ourselves at every step, keeping communication open and making sure this is right (how do you ever know until you jump?). One of my concerns is that I will feel inadequate. While I've helped bring her along (she never had an orgasm until we met), I'm of average size and am one of the 30% of males who has a fairly quick trigger. Part of our fantasy these days is watching videos of men who go long and hard and using a thick 8" dong that fills her up. Don't get me wrong - we have great sex in a variety of ways, and there are a couple of things I do that put her on the ceiling. I'm just not sure how I'll feel, knowing these men can give her what I cannot. Of course, that's partly why we're doing this, so she can experience what she's never felt before, and I can get my own private porn show. So, I'm kind of conflicted. I’m also not sure if my lack of desire to join in a full swap has something to do with my fear of pleasing another woman.

I realize you can't tell me how I'll feel, but do you have any advice for guys like me? Have you known other men in the lifestyle with PE and how they handle things like this, or other being women for that matter?

Thanks


Answer
Todd,

First let me congratulate you on putting your wife first in this process, it is really the only way that this is successful.

Second let me tell you from a woman's perspective you must be doing something right if you were able to be the first one to get her off. So you may be proving the point of "It's not the size of the ship but, the motion of the ocean" or "It's not the length of the wand but the magician who wields it" sayings.

there's more read it here: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Adult-Swinging-2707/2009/3/Fear-inadequacy.htm

Vanilla friend part 2

So a few posts ago we talked about revealing our lifestyle choice to a friend of ours that isn’t in the Swinglifestyle and has no experience wife swapping. The summary of that posting was the possible outcome of revealing such a thing to vanilla friends. Here is a bit of what we wrote on past experience and responses we have gotten from those experiences:

In the past when we have shared this we with other vanilla friends we have basically gotten three responses
1. You’re WHAT… followed by a polite oh that’s cool and then the friendship fades away to the point of no contact.
2. REALLY… Followed with we/I have always been curious about that (if this is a male he typically sees if he can fuck my wife, Females try this too however we have found that this usually doesn’t work out well).
3. Huh… I can see that followed by acceptance (this is very rare… Usually people are curious and number two comes into play).
Now the friend that we revealed ourselves to has been a friend of ours for over ten years and we thought that through everything this friend would understand… Well it just goes to show you; you can never predict human behavior or response to a situation… His first response was along the lines of number 3. Acceptance however as we stated in that posting this response is very rare… Most people aren’t this open and accepting usually their own experience or believe system comes into play and interferes with open-minded acceptance of something different. Look we are saying people are narrow minded or judgmental. What we are saying is that fear is usually the first reaction to something new or different. Anyway the response he seems to have had is number 1. Friendship fades to the point of no contact…
Now this posting could be premature and he is still trying to digest the whole thing and come to his own acceptance of it. This is us just trying to be the total optimist and give an old friend the benefit of the doubt.
So will we stop living the Swinglifestyle or stop being honest with our vanilla friends when confronted with the truth…? The answer is a Resounding NO… We have no shame in what we choose to do or the way we live our life. Being a Swinger, Wife Swapping, Friends with Benefits no matter what you call it has bought me and my wife closer as a couple than we could have ever imaged. We make no apologies for our lifestyle.

One from one of our follower's great article

34 Kinds of sex, and still counting
Posted By jss on February 24, 2009

I was thinking this morning about people who have idealized monogamous sex within a loving and committed relationship. You know the ones, who have good marriages or are otherwise partnered with their best friends and soulmates.

I’m thrilled for all of them, truly; even the ones who look down on the rest of us or think we’re all pretty much damned to crackle in Hellfire and already smell vaguely of sulphur. Even though the word “soulmate” makes my skin crawl a little. There are more of us than there are of them, obviously, and I do not feel compelled to cite statistics right now.

Anyway, it occurred to me that idealizing this kind of relationship implies, further, idealizing a particular kind of sex … and that is “I really love you” sex, including the “I still think you’re the hottest thing on the planet” foreplay. There is a body of literature (I use the word loosely) about hot monogamy. (Serial monogamy represents a series of failures of hot monogamy, I suppose.) Religious conservatives love to postulate that Christians have better sex than heathens, or should, anyway, since they’re having sex that is actually blessed by divine and almighty power …

But anyway, for fun, I’ve made a list of 20 25 34 other kinds of sex that people have, or at least that I’ve had. It took me five minutes to make the list. Five. Minutes. If you’ve had all these kinds of sex with ONE partner … well, let me know. You win something or the other.

Feel free to add your own worthy variations in the comments … if there’s enough responses, I’ll update the list with attribution and links.

to read the rest and see the list click here: http://www.intotemptation.net/2009/02/24/34-kinds-of-sex/#more-316

A nice Article about us

Explore The Swinger Lifestyle
Posted: Mar 10th, 2009
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The term ‘friends with benefits' is often thrown around, but what does the definition term describe it as: friends with benefits is being attracted or intimate with another person, or more without having to maintain years of relationship. It is also described as singles or couples who obtain the understanding with their partner to interact with other couples or individuals without the other partner concern. Winkwinkplayplay.com offers local singles, couples and swingers in your area. Just search by zip code and begin to let the future communication start to happen.

Check out the resst here : http://www.articlesbase.com/art-and-entertainment-articles/explore-the-swinger-lifestyle-810224.html

A Q&A we came across on boundaries

This Q&A is about a couple wanting to enter the swinglifestyle and are unsure. We stress the need for communication and rule / boundaries which they address so we thought we would share it with you.

Adult Swinging - Begginning swinging and yet worried

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Expert: Leesa - 1/27/2009
Question
Context: Hi, my partner and I have been together 5 years now. I have a
toddler and he 3 kids from prior marriage. We are long term couple. Love and
care for each other very much. I am bisexual, been in lesbian relationships 10
yrs before meeting partner. I am happy feeling bisexual. But have not
indulged my needs. He is supportive of my sexuality. I have kissed a friend of
friend F a couple of time out dancing but not sex with another girl. This is
what I am seeking. In past I have had 3 threesomes. FFM, FFM and FFF. None
were that satisfying- the fantasy much better. I have explored abit and my
partner never has. He is leading the quest to want to swing. We went to a
swingers once when I was 8 mth pregnant- my hormones were not out there
to go for it. I went cause I supported his need to explore. Both of us never
had done exploring or sex with many people in our younger yrs, more me
than him. Now he wants to really try out couple swinging. I fantasies about
this much. Yet I do not have as much of a desire for this. I am in need of FF
intimacy, may lead to some play, occassionally. He not want to have full on
sex with another women on his own. He thinks it unfair if I want to have FF
for my bi needs. I know its hard for a straight guy to accept his girlfriend
want some FF satisfaction. He has low sex drive and not the creative type
sexually. I have high drive and am always initiating creativity and fun. He
reason for swinging is bored, want fun. I should be bored I don`t get it much
from him. We have discussed- he would like more intimacy with me then
penetration sex- fair enough. So my issue is. Yes, I am happy to swing with
another couple- but I worry boundaries may get blurry and I don`t want this
to ruin our relationship. He thinks by swinging I will get more sex as it will
increase his sex drive- really, is that a gurantee. He has not bi interest
himself. As much as I love guys getting it on. I don`t really care much to
swing, I guess I just want FF play sometimes. He does not want to miss out on
all the fun and sees couple swinging a safe option. I don`t want another guy
to penetrate me with penis, he does not want to penetrate another girl with
penis and I could not stand seeing him pash another girl- I know I would
struggle to cope with that. So is swinging for us?

Answer
Hi there thanks for your question.
Swinging: is it for you.
Yes: Is my answer, you dont have to have sex with others to swing.

Read the rest here :http://en.allexperts.com/q/Adult-Swinging-2707/2009/1/Begginning-swinging-worried.htm

Here is a great Q & A we came across

Adult Swinging - Couple Considering Swinging
Expert: Leesa - 2/25/2009

Question
Dear Leesa,


Hello, and thank you for taking my question. I will try my best not to ramble and give you enough facts to provide you with an idea of what is going on in my marriage. A few months back I noticed my wife seemingly frustrated at home, and acting like she was refraining from telling me something. So, I sat her down, and re-assured her that I loved her, and that I would support her no matter what she had to tell me. She became angry at first, and shut me off for a couple of days, but once she spoke with me again she began opening up to me telling me that she is feeling the desire to explore an open relationship and was worried that this would hurt me. It took me by suprise, but it did not hurt me. I was glad she told me, and I agreed that it might be something worth considering.

Since that time, she has become a completely different person in a very good way. She is very open with me, honest, and tells me everything. The fights we used to have have diminished greatly because there is no longer an elephant in the room that no one is talking about. Our relationship is better in every way. She knows that I love her unconditionally and will never leave her and that she can be completely honest with me without judgement and persecution that all too often is unnecessary.

I tell you all of this on the premise that hopefully now you will understand my complete question. My wife is at a point to where she is willing to begin the exploration of the swinging lifestyle. However, it comes with reservations, mainly unease of the unknown. Her nor I know exactly what this experience will be like, or what the kind of people in the swinging lifestyle are like. We want to meet genuinely good people who enjoy friendships first, and fun second. All my wife has to compare this to is the typical bar crowd which have absolutely no resemblence to this as near as I can tell.

The first question is should we enter into this lifestyle given the openness we have had with eachother to experiment? Secondly, it would be how do we even go about finding the right people and places? And third it is that my wife is in no way bisexual (nor am I). She would not mind kissing a girl and doing certain sensual things, but the idea of going all the way with one is not something she has any desire to try. She is much more inclined to participate in a situation where couples swap and enjoy eachother. And I respect this. The bottom line is she is my wife foremost, and if we cannot enjoy this for the betterment of our relationship there is no point in doing it.

Really what I need is some good solid advice from someone who knows where we are at and what we are going through. And hopefully by my asking this question, I can gain great insight from you with regard as to how to slowly, correctly, and honestly go into this with as few bumps in the road as possible.

Thank you very much for reading this, and I wish you a blessed day.

Answer
Hi Juan
Thanks for allowing me to help you with your questions.
After reading your letter i am thinking that your wife is one very lucky lady.
It seems you both have the communication necessary to be able to explore the lifestyle in a wonderful and connected way together.
Now the answer to your question:
Swinging is about YOU both the couple, never about one or the other.
It is about exploring desires and fantasies with eachother and not about one person wanting to explore alone. So you seem to have that all sorted.
This is what we tell our patrons on a tour and on our site so i feel it is necessary to share this with you.
You are starting a journey of fullfilment, at anytime you feel that journey is in jeopardy of failing and you are not communicating anymore STOP. Never is it about the other couple or single, you never have to explain to anyone why you say NO or Stop even if it is in the middle of play. If either or both of you have any concerns, or get a "niggle" in the tummy it is simply not right..so STOP and leave together.
Having sex with others should never be so important to either or both of you that you "ignore" your own partner whilst playing. Of course unless you do seperate room swapping, which is very rare these days.
There have been occassions where my hubby is having sex with the other guys wife with a nice hardone..if you know what i mean, and i am getting the soft end of the deal. When this happens, my hubby would stop and come to me, and say to the other guy, sorry mate it is not all about your misses, but about mine too, so you go to your wife and let me look after mine.lol
You see it is simply not that important. You must also remember that there is a big difference in Having sex and Making love.
We simply Fuck others, but make love with eachother.
No conncections at all to the other people, or person, they are simply a tool in our journey on our own desires.
Can i suggest clubs are the best place to go to seek this fun.
So your research, make sure they are clean and not overwhelmed with single guys.
Sometimes going to someones house is a little off putting , cause you feel you cannot escape if you want to, where as in a club, you can simply move on to the next couple and chat etc.

Read the rest here: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Adult-Swinging-2707/2009/2/Couple-Considering-Swinging.htm