Monday, November 9, 2009

Are you soft or full Swap?

This is one of the most common questions in the lifestyle. And yes we were faced with it this weekend. We went out to a club and meet this couple and everyone was clicking, which isn’t all that easy in the Swinglifestyle. I mean you can meet a couple and usually one won’t click or be attracted to someone in the group. After all you are dealing with four personalities not two. So when everyone is clicking it a celebration in and of itself. Anyhow, the question came up “are you a soft swap or full swap couple” and the answer for us is both really. No we aren’t fence riders nor are we undecided it’s more of the fact that we hate labels.

Some background history or experience might help. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we were more cautious than some. Our first couple of experiences was with singles not couples and they were fun but again the level of action was still pretty tame, we weren’t sure if we wanted to try wife swapping. We were feeling our way into the lifestyle seeing what we as a couple were comfortable with. Of course there were things I wanted to do that she didn’t and there were things she wanted to try that I was unsure of. The first couple we meet in the lifestyle lived close by and we started talking and going out then that first night of play finally came and we were all having a great time until they wanted to take it further. We naively hadn’t even talked about it the thought of what would happen or what to except or how far to go never came up. Then the female of the other couple asked me to F**k her hard. I have to be honest I went blank. Surprised as I was I looked toward my wife and I could tell this wasn’t the time. She was just as surprised and the flood of emotions had just hit her. At that moment I chose to end the night as delicately as I could which looking back probably wasn’t that smooth since I have no tact. We spent what seemed like a month talking about that night running the full range of emotions, desires, talking over jealousy and everything that make a guy uncomfortable.

As a result of that night we decided to take it slow see how it goes more or less table the full swap and just do soft until both of us were sure. We made a list of guidelines No means no of course, no taking one for the team, talking alone about the people we are looking to play with before to see how each other feels, setting up safe words for not only disinterest but for interest. Over time our rules have evolved as we have but probably the most consistent one is that we talk first.

The choice to be soft or full swap is a very personal one. We have met some couples that jumped right in from their first experience and other that have stayed soft swap. Is there a Right or Wrong way to do this? I think it is a matter of what is right for you as a couple. How did we answer the couple’s question, with our standard “we go with the flow” response. We had a great time in any case. No we don’t consider ourselves experts in swinging we just share our experiences and what works for us. We would be happy to answer any questions you might have email us at admin@winkwinkplayplay.com or check out this site for some great Q&A. http://www.allexperts.com/el/Adult-Swinging/

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