Hardcore Swingers!!!

Don’t you hate labels…? We went out the other night and meet this fun couple and as the conversation progressed. It became obvious that they were kind of new to the lifestyle. Still feeling it out seeing what works for them and what doesn’t. Been there done that hell I think we are still doing it. Anyway as we talked they stated “well we were talking with them but they seem like hardcore swingers”. Cause for Pause… Warning lights… Wondering at this point how will we be perceived? Do we tell them how long we have been in the Swinglifestyle? Do we tell them we own a Swingers / Adult social networking site? Here is where the different personalities come into play. Meaning my wife’s and mine… She is a little more sensitive to things like this, I guess she cares what others think of her or it could come down to that thinking of I might be wild in the bedroom but don’t call me a ho or a slut in public. I don’t know. I on the other hand could give a shit what others say I am a freak, a sexual addict I know it and accept it. So… however this is a marriage and we do communicate and after all this time there is that level of non verbal communication that happens in situations like these. Let’s be honest I tend to let her take the lead in these conversations cause I will and usually say something that could cause a problem.

So I guess it comes down to the fact of how we see ourselves do we consider ourselves soft-core or hardcore swingers. Let’s not get this confused with soft swap or full swap that is two different things altogether. The one thing we have learned is that this definition is different for everybody. Example: even after being in the lifestyle for the last 10 years, owning our own site, we still consider ourselves soft-core swingers. Why? Because we don’t go out all the time, we still meet first and see if there is a connection first before we play, we still use protection, and we don’t play separately these are just some of the things that to us define us as soft-core. Yet someone else could easily see us as hardcore swingers. Saying well we’re not into wife swapping just girl play and any number of other reasons.

How did the night end up? Well we didn’t play with them but that doesn’t mean much cause like we stated we rarely do on the first meeting. We talked, danced and the girls made out with each other so it looks pretty good that we will have some new friends to play with. How did they perceive us? Well we will never truly know however like in most cases we tend to fear the worst reaction and receive the best or at least a better one. Keep in mind newbie’s want to learn and even though they might have fear or reservations of hardcore swingers experienced couples are a good guide on how to have a successful time in the Swinglifestyle. Nothing is wrong with being a hardcore swinger or a soft-core swinger it comes down to what you feel comfortable with and remember someone is always going to view you in a different light. I guess it comes down to what Shakespeare put best - “to thy own self be true …” and screw everyone else. The screw everyone else part I added, Shakespeare would have said “ fuckth the lot” or something like that. You think Shakespeare was a swinger?

Your place or mine…

We have kids so there is always a pause in the response here. When we started in the Swinglifestyle we had no idea what we were doing. We read a little but mostly we talked with other couples in the lifestyle. What do you do? Have you ever done this? Has this ever happened to you? How did you handle that? These are just a small sample of questions that flew for our lips. Hell at times I’m sure the other couples were wondering are we going to Play or just talk, or if they were being interviewed or something. Still most of the things we do today have come out of trial and error, our own personal experiences and mistakes have shaped our ground rules. The question of whether to invite someone into our home isn’t one we take lightly. The choice to bring someone home is a personal one. We have created a checklist if you will. Items for consideration…
The kids: Where will they be? Do we have a babysitter? Does the person/people we are considering have kids? How do they feel about being around kids? Well to be honest here we have only had a couple of people interact with our children. Meaning meet them, have their kids play with them, sleep over at each other’s house. Based on those couple of experiences we won’t do this again. It becomes difficult to explain why they can’t see their friends anymore when the adults no longer play together. So as a result we usually 99.5% of the time play when we have a babysitter or when the kids are away. Sure this limits the amount of time we have to play but it is much better than the idea of one of them walking in on something they shouldn’t see or something we would never want to explain.
How well do we know you? We tend to be a little more cautious than others. Let’s meet at a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) This goes back to Strange Danger… meaning if we don’t know you you’re not going to find out where we live. We meet in public then if everyone is comfortable we find someplace else to go play. We usually get a hotel room before hand as a place to go afterwards even if we don’t invite the others back with us. Just imagine having someone in your home sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink let’s play and your left going aaahhh fuck.
What about the neighbors? Yes this sounds paranoid or superficial but we do live in a neighborhood like desperate housewives… So the idea of explaining who are all those people coming over and staying till the wee hours of the morning is not something we want to do. Being know as the Wife Swapping couple of the neighborhood doesn’t sound like the goal we want to achieve. NO we are not ashamed of who we are or what we do. We enjoy this lifestyle. I guess it is a lot like an alcoholic in recovery they aren’t ashamed of being one and have a scene of pride of being one but at the same note don’t want everyone to know they are one. Or maybe a homosexual is a better example meaning there is gay pride and a comfort level of acknowledgement yet they don’t introduce themselves as “ hey I’m bob, the neighborhood Gay” I guess it comes down to the fact that we like to decide who we tell and who we don’t. Nobody likes to be judged by others and to a certain degree we say fuck them. Yet we still like the choice as to who we disclose it to. Not to mention that if the neighbors found out they might thing it is ok to hit on either one of us without the other there. Or neighborhood husbands thinking they could hit on my wife maybe touch her when she doesn’t want them too. After all the rules of “No Means No” are hard to enforce outside of a club.

Over the years the checklist has evolved and will continue to change as are kids get older our experience change. The guidelines we have set in place have truly made our lifestyle experiences more enjoyable. The less drama the more we can relax and enjoy the ride. The Main thing is Comfort Level we have to feel really comfortable with you before we will invite you into our home. Yet there is a certain freedom that comes from a hotel room.

Like we said in an earlier blog. “Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.”

Twitter and the Swinglifestyle

This is more of a rant or an out flow of random thoughts than anything else.

We have a twitter account ( @kennnbarbie2 ) and we have been on there for a while. We're not overly active meaning yes we post and try to talk with others but we really don’t join mafia clubs or send gifts to others nor are we on there all the time using our cell phones to post every little thing we do. We tend to post when we are going out, some general things after we have gone out, to be honest a lot of them were about the revamp of the site and the process we went through for that. This brings me to the rant… We never mentioned the site by name and only now have we even listed the website as a link. The idea behind the twitter account we to share our experiences as a couple who enjoys wife swapping or more commonly known as the Swinglifestyle while balancing family / kids one with a disability, and running a business. We have only found a few genuine people in the lifestyle on twitter and majority seems to be other websites promoting themselves and in a way I guess we fall into that. Because we do have a website… yet we make a point not to follow other sites and try to only follow people.

Something that made us think… we know our previous site sucked well at least wasn’t designed very well, so the competition didn’t pay us much mind. Rightfully so… but the other day they all of the sudden started to follow us on twitter with a brand new account. Is this just a fluke something that happened as they set up the account looking for followers? What should we do take the higher ground and leave them be? Or Block them to keep with our own guideline. Quite frankly we’ll probably do nothing… we won’t follow them back nor will we block them.

The idea of twitter as a marketing tool for our type of site is still unproven to me. We’re not prono yet as a swinger/dating site we are more adult and work hard to keep children from the site, so do we really fit the mold for twitter? We’re not Ashton Kutcher, we’re not mobile cupcakes so does anything our industry put up become more than spam wallpaper. Hell, I get annoyed at seeing post after post tweet after tweet for some prono site. Do we really want to be thrown into that mix? Ah no… that is why we try and use twitter for what is it a social network a personality attached to the brand. Not everyone will like the brand or the personality for that matter. Don’t get us wrong if by some slim chance the twitter-sphere picks us up and says “there site is awesome and you have to be a member” than great, awesome but is that what we are looking to do. No… It is a place for us to share about our lives, our day, trying to balance life and all it throws at us. Twitter has it place on the web and it is definitely growing, the question is does the Swinglifestyle have its place on twitter? As individuals sure we are everywhere… As an industry that I’m not so sure of.

We are very excited to introduce the NEW and IMPROVED WINKWINKPLAYPLAY.

When we set out to create WinkWinkPlayPlay the one thing we wanted was to have it be for swingers by swingers… For Singles or Couples interested in Wife Swapping more commonly known as the Swinglifestyle. We wanted a more personal touch - not just some faceless corporate entity with little regard for the membership beyond their credit cards. One of the things we did was to ask for your input. Even though some of it was hard to listen to - we did. You had some truly great ideas and possibly an even clearer picture of what a site should be than we did.

Your suggestions sent us back to the drawing board with a lot of ideas. It has taken us almost a year of hard work to bring not only your vision, but ours, into reality. WinkWinkPlayPlay has become more of a social network than a dating site. You’ll find the new site to be a cross between AFF and FACE BOOK, LL and Twitter with a little YouTube and MySpace for good measure. We invite you to look around, create a friends network of your own, upload some video’s, try our Webcam Video conferencing (you can view multiple cams at one time) and our Chat rooms. Start a topic in the forum, start your blog for your Play Wall, or just send a winkwink to someone - go explore and play...

We invite you to come and explore.
thanks
Kennnbarbie2

not pushing Q and A

here is nice Q&A we came across that addresses the lifestyle being a joint thing and that you should never force your partner to do something they don't want to...

Adult Swinging - Adult swinging

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Expert: Leesa - 4/2/2009
Question
Hi i am married for a couple of years and we love each other.My wife used to have great sex curiosity which is dying now.I have observed when she chat online she gets hot.While doing sex i talk about other guys and she likes it but asks me if i can handle it.I want her to drink,smoke and expose herself in sexy clothes,go to nightclubs.How should i make her agree on this?

Answer
Hi
Thanks for your question.
I must say that you should never try and MAKE your wife do anything she doesnt want to do.
Our lifestyle is about communication and understanding and respect.
If you force your wife into doing something that she does not want to do you will destroy what you have.
Can i suggest you go to the chatroom and participate with your wife, have sex on cam maybe , join her with her fantasties while she is on cam, i find this really hot and it is very harmless if done together.
Then go from there, take it step by step, talk and commmunicate and watch the boundries change slowly over time.
hope that helps
Leesa

read more on the swinglifestyle here: http://en.allexperts.com/q/Adult-Swinging-2707/

Entertaining at Home?

Here is a question that seems to come up a lot. Should we entertain at our Home?
This is truly a personal decision and there are a lot of factors you should take into consideration.
1. Do you have kids at Home?
Regarding kids: This can be a touchy subject some couples have no problem inviting others over to play with their kids at home while others would never dream of it. If you are comfortable with the idea of inviting play mates over with your kids at home make sure the people you are inviting are comfortable with it too. Or play when the kids are away i.e. school, sleepovers, grandparents or whatever. The majority of people we know like to keep their playtime away from their kids even though this can limit the amount of playtime due to babysitter issues they would rather play less than run the risk of having their child or their play mates’ children walking in on some fun activities.
2. Do you know the people you are inviting into your home?
Again this is a personal comfort level thing. Some people have no problem inviting others into their home after a bit of conversation online. However personally we are a more cautious and prefer to have the first face to face meeting in a public place. (Nightclub, bar, swing event, hell even Denny’s will do) this is something we have just made a rule if we haven’t met in person you aren’t coming into our home. By having a safe location to meet we can see how all of us feel and if the comfort level is there. With that being said we usually don’t invite them into our home right away if we feel like playing we’ll get a room or something. We find that this removes all the pressure that one could feel over having someone (s) in your home that you don’t want to play with but you invited them over and now they are sitting on your couch going nudge nudge wink wink and your left going aaahhh fuck.
3. Is it for a party or a more personal setting?
COMFORT LEVEL HELLO: A party is a sure way to measure your comfort level… This could sound like a lot of fun and end up being more than you bargained for… We strongly recommend that you attend a couple of house parties before entertaining the idea of throwing one yourselves. Don’t get us wrong we are not putting down house parties they can be a blast, but if you have never been to a few of them you could be in for a wild ride… no we aren’t saying it is like something out of animal house were you house will be completely trashed most people are very respectful of the home they are in. You could have a party where nothing happens or a party where you are going is there a surface in my house that hasn’t seen a butt cheek… AS FOR MORE PERSONAL SETTINGS: these have been some of the best experiences we have had in the lifestyle. Just a friend or two, three, four over for some drinks and a dip in the Jacuzzi… I will leave it at that before the memories over take me.
4. If it is a Party what about your neighbors?
If you are considering throwing a house party you probably want to take a second and think about your neighbors… Are they close? Are they nosy? Will they come over? Will they call the police? These are just a couple of thoughts that you should have beforehand that might save you from explaining those people having sex on your living room floor… A few minutes telling your neighbors that you are having a private party might save you headache in the future. Let them know there might be a lot of cars parked out front, that you will try and keep the noise down. I guess you really have to figure out if your home and/or neighborhood is a place to have a party. Again attend a few house parties first get a feel on how it is done. See what works best, what you liked what you didn’t like. Who knows you could end up being the hottest new meeting place in your area…
Whether you are curious about wife swapping or have been in the Swinglifestyle for awhile the one thing that we have found is that good communication and maintaining our comfort level is a must in order to truly enjoy this lifestyle. Playing at your home might not be for you or it might be the most comfortable place to play. Experiment try new things but talk to each other about them you might find that some things aren’t for you while others are a perfect fit.

So you’re going out Mom & Dad huh

OK here is the situation you and your spouse are planning a night out you’re heading out to a swing event some swinger club is putting on what do you tell your kids or better yet how do you handle explaining the clothes your wearing… Let’s just say it is Pimp and Ho night… what do you do? After all you’re not going to tell them you’re in the Swinglifestyle right.
It’s not Halloween how do you explain the outfits or what do you do to avoid explaining anything…
Our kids are getting at that age where they are starting to know more about life which seems to keep getting younger and younger… How do we handle a night out?
First there is the whole babysitter thing… Finding one scheduling one and getting everything set with that. Then there is the outfits or should I say my wife’s outfit … lol the shoes alone seems to take hours and the mix n match game of how does this look… I know it sounds cliché but I swear it happens in every home across America if not the world…
Well from our experience and many others we have talked to here are some ideas and ways of handling a night out.
We have tried the “Oh we have to go to a party for Daddy and/or Mommy work”… depending on the event this one can work.
The one that we have found that works the best for us is Date Night… this is where we set up a regular schedule of evening outings, Not necessarily Lifestyle events just a regular time when me and the wife go out could be dinner and a movie, Vegas, a club, meeting some friends, or a Swing Club… By having a regular thing the kids suspect less cause it is normal for mommy and daddy to go out.
The other thing we try and do is get dressed elsewhere… Sure we have to pick out the clothes before hand and I highly recommend that you do to… let her play how does this look and TAKE A BAG of options… I remember going out one time and we were going to be Austin Powers and a Femme Bot well when she got dressed it was a resounding HELL NO I’M NOT WEARING THIS… so again take a bag of options… it will cost less in the end…
Now you can get dressed at a gas station but depending on the neighborhood you could have some interesting explaining to do… What we and many other have found is the simplest solution usually works best get a Hotel Room… plus this gives you a place to play later… if the night goes well you can have some fun wife swapping adventure…
Of course you could tell them you are swingers but I don’t really know any couples that do this. It’s not really being dishonest it more being protective. Arguments can go both ways on this and even though we have no shame in what we do we still feel the need to protect our kid’s innocence at least for now.